Only You And Ed
by Hejin57
Summary: For Ed, Edd n' Eddy, their biggest problem has always been the Kanker Sisters.  Convinced that they'll never be rid of them, they turn to a risky solution devised by Double D.  But this solution has dire consequences.  And The Eds never saw them coming...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, true believers! This is your friendly neighborhood Hejin here!**

**This time around, I've decided to go into a fandom that I never thought I'd ever be writing about. I've always loved Ed, Edd n' Eddy, but it's a cartoon. For the longest time, I thought that cartoons were among some of the hardest things to write fanfics about, since the laws of physics are different in the cartoon world. Also, cartoons act differently than real people or more serious characters like those from an anime or a comic book, so that was another deterrent. **

**Anyway, I have decided to go forward with a story idea that came up from a dream. Hopefully it'll turn out good. **

**Thus, another story begins! Enjoy!**

**EDIT: This story has officially been re-written! Due to a continuity error on my part, the storyline to "_Only You and Ed_" has been changed and Chapters 1 and 2 have be redone completely. However, I personally believe they are much better now. Enjoy!**

**~~~EEE~~~**

_Hejin57 Presents..._

**_Only You And Ed_**

**~~~EEE~~~**

**E-E-E**

At the end of the day, Double D always felt like these situations concluded the same exact way. Sure, he could keep running. The sock-headed Ed knew that he had some energy left in him. But was it really going to help much in the end? Double D figured he could answer that question that kept popping up in the caverns of his mind with an honest no.

But fear was a powerful motivator, especially for Double D. He ran as fast as he could, avoiding piles of junk and refuse in his way. His arms at his sides and a look of desperation written all over his face, Double D's legs were beginning to really hurt after a good half-hour of being chased through the Cul-de-Sac all the way to the Junkyard. Huffing and puffing like a struggling steam engine, Double D clamored over a larger pile of junk; his fear of what was following him forcing him to ignore the fact that it was a living nest of germs. He couldn't afford to be reasonable right now. He was way too scared.

This was no surprise. The Kanker Sisters and their very presence tended to do this to Double D.

"Come back here, sweetie! I just want to give you an early Christmas present!" Marie Kanker exclaimed behind a desperate Double D. Her voice was like someone scratching a chalkboard with a rake.

Now having the knowledge that she was not far behind him, Double D pushed his feeble muscles and began crawling up the next pile of junk even faster. He heard wet squishing and popping sounds as all manner of grime and dirt began to stick to his orange shirt. Double D bit his lip and held back the urge to vomit.

As he pulled himself over the mound of junk, Double D could feel a glimmer of hope when he spotted the exit to the junkyard just below. He made a weak smile before sliding down the side of the garbage hill unexpectedly, tumbling comically through the refuse and trash. After less than a minute of this pain and discomfort, Double D came to an abrupt stop at the bottom. He was left lying prone like an eel, unable to force himself to get up. His arms and legs felt like rubber. The sock-headed Ed could only wonder what fate had befallen Ed and Eddy. In addition, he wondered what part of his psyche had caused him to abandon his two friends to their terrible Kanker counterparts.

"Hey there, handsome." Marie said to Double D, who looked up to see that she was standing over him. His eyes shrunk to miniscule size. The most frightening of the Kanker Sisters, at least in Double D's opinion, had caught him. It was like The Most Dangerous Game all over again. The only difference was was that it was a girl hunting him instead of a Russian aristocrat.

Instinctively, the sock-headed Ed found himself backing up against the side of the trash hill. Marie Kanker grinned evilly as she gave Double D a very devious glare. She laughed loudly in his face. "You're so cute when you're all cowering like that."

"Please...I'm not prepared for this kind of physical interaction. Can't we come to some sort of compromise?" Double D asked in a weak tone of voice, but Marie didn't look like she cared much about what he had to say. Taking out two objects from her bulky pockets, she presented them before Double D.

"You wanna compromise? Fine. Either you can have a blast of Krankshaft No. 5, or you can have..." the fact that Marie had a tube of rusty-colored lipstick in her other hand was enough to tell Double D what she was alluding to. "...Well...I think you're smart enough to know what your other choice is.

Double D backed up even more against the grimy mound. He could feel himself beginning to sink in, and part of him wanted to disappear in the solid mountain of trash if it meant escaping Marie's clutches.

"Hey! Are you gonna decide or what? I don't have all day, Double D." Marie barked.

"I can't...I can't pick one..." he said, "It's not really much of a fair choice." Double D began to nervously twiddle his fingers, as he had no other way to really distract himself from the hopelessness of his situation.

Marie grinned wide. "I thought you might say that. Why don't we try both then?"

To Double D's horror, Marie Kanker began to apply her rusty-red lipstick after putting the bottle of Krankshaft No. 5 down on the ground next to her. Double D's mind was began to quickly break down in panic as he realized what kind of physical torture this girl was about to put him through. After all that running in hope that he could escape the shadow of the Kanker Sisters, Double D and his friends had been caught once again.

There wasn't much left for him to do but wait as Marie finished with the lipstick. And what a horrible wait it was...

**E-E-E**

_**~Some time earlier~**_

"We...we lost 'em! Hahahaha! We actually lost those Kankers!" Eddy announced in triumph between each rasping breath, his chubby little chest expanding and contracting as he gulped as much air as possible. Nevertheless, Eddy felt relieved. They'd lost the Kankers, and to him, that was like scamming the whole neighborhood three times over.

"Don't get your hopes up, Eddy. It's always a matter of time until they find us." Double D replied while he too attempted to reconcile all the oxygen he had lost while running away from the Kanker Sisters. Partially hunched over, every breath Double D made sounded like it was coming from an horse that had ingested too much helium.

Ed was the only one who seemed like he wasn't completely out of it from the marathon the Eds had just been put through. Instead, the biggest of the Eds was busy twisting his head around like submarine periscope, searching for any sign of the Kanker menace. "I don't see them, Eddy. Maybe they got abducted by aliens..."

Eddy laughed at Ed's statement, "That's funny, Ed," however, he quickly reverted back to an expression of annoyance, "but I don't think aliens would want the Kankers for long."

"Eddy's right. They'd probably leave them stranded in the cold vacuum of space." Double D added.

The other two Eds gave him strange looks for a moment. There was an awkward silence among the trio.

And then. Ed, Edd n' Eddy proceeded to laugh together. Though it had been a stupid joke on Eddy's part, it helped to make them forget that the Kanker Sisters were still after them. Eddy's scam to sell a huge turkey baster thrown away by Double D's mom as a "Deluxe Canadian Squirt Gun" had been interrupted by the Kankers earlier today. Scaring away all the kids, the Kankers chased the trio all the way here, much to the Eds displeasure. So if they could have a good laugh together, even over a stupid joke, then that wasn't so bad.

Eddy would never admit it to Lumpy or Sockhead, but he missed a time when the three Eds were friends without a care in the world. He missed being able to scam without the threat of the Kanker Sisters always looming over the horizon.

Ed, on the other hand, missed the bliss of just being a fool and hanging out with his two best friends. He missed being able to eat gravy-covered buttered toast with his mouth open and with no girl there to tell him that was disgusting. Basically, he missed a life without mutant monster cootie-spreading girls and their evil influences.

And Double D missed the days when Eddy would mess with his doorbell just so the two of them could go get a lazy Ed. He longed for the ability to walk out of his house and know that no blue-haired girl was waiting the ambush him when he stepped foot on his lawn. Most of all, Double D just wished for a time when he could be without fear.

"Way cool! I wish I had a third arm, Eddy!" Ed chimed out of the blue, causing his shorter friend to raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"And I bet you wish you had a bigger brain, Ed!" he snarked, looking over his shoulder with a stupid grin just to amuse Ed. However, he realized that not taking Ed seriously had been a huge mistake. Eddy's brain screamed at him to get out of there, but the shorter boy was too mesmerized by fear to do anything but make a statement of defeat. "Oh crud..."

Without wasting any time, the third arm that Ed had been gawking at wrapped around Eddy like a boa constrictor. Ed and Double D looked on in horror as Eddy was comically dragged away towards the Retro Van, and from where he was, Double D could see the familiar shape of Lee Kanker's red hair poking above a fallen refrigerator.

"KANKERS!" Eddy screamed to his friends, before he was dragged right into one of Lee's rough hugs.

"Hey there, shortstuff. Did ya miss us?" Lee asked with a rancid smile, but Eddy didn't answer her, and instead attempted to wiggle out of her grasp. Unfortunately, the red-haired Kanker was just too strong for Eddy. "Hey May! Your turkey's waiting!"

As if exactly on cue, May Kanker jumped into the air from the top of one of the taller garbage piles. She landed on the head of an unknowing Ed, putting her hands over his eyes and her legs on his shoulders. "Did you miss me, Big Ed?" she giggled.

"AAAAAHHH! IT'S GOT ME! IT'S GOT ME!" Ed shrieked as he flailed around, unable to see as May seemed to start driving him around to where she wanted him to go. Ed managed to hit Double D in the face with one of his big arms, causing the sock-headed Ed to momentarily see stars and fall over into the dirt. Shaking his head and trying to forget that he was laying on the germ-infested ground, Double D could do nothing as he watched May ride Ed all the way behind a pile of old tires. The sock-headed Ed stood up and proceeded to back away, knowing fully well that Ed's fate had already been sealed.

The sound of objects crashing into the ground alerted Double D of a menacing presence behind him. He turned around to see that part of an old Cadillac and a washing machine had been tossed aside. Double D's face showed pure fear as Marie Kanker stood in front of him with a nasty smile on her face. She inspected her fingernails at first, then proceeded to crack her knuckles viciously.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Double D." Marie cackled, her hands reaching for Double D as she slowly approached, "I'll try not to be rough if you come quietly!"

Marie was underestimating Double D. He was no idiot. There was no way he was falling for a trick like that. Picking himself up off the ground, the sock-headed Ed burst into another run, hoping that his stick legs could manage to carry him far, far away from Marie and her unwanted kisses.

Marie just chuckled at Double D's retreat, "It's so fun when they run away."

**E-E-E**

There Double D was; his heart beating faster and faster as Marie finished applying her lipstick. The sock-headed Ed had no escape. He only leaned deeper into the grime and muck and pleaded that he could somehow become invisible at a time like this.

His ears picking up the sound of Marie puckering her lips, Double D instinctively put his hands on his head in an attempt to protect himself. Opening his eyes for a moment, he could see that she was coming in for the kill. Her lips, now colored a rusty red, were completely puckered out and ready to absorb Double D's face in their moist embrace.

Double D could feel fear practically depriving him of air. His brain started fizzing inside his cranium, while his heart banged back and forth against his chest like a pendulum. His entire body vibrated as the lips of the hated Kanker became ever closer to claiming him. In a moment of exaggerated drama, Double D could see his life ending before him. He had to act fast.

And then, hope arrived. It came in a form even Double D couldn't predict. One of his hands, while searching for a way through the junk behind him, landed on the cool metallic surface of a machine that Double D recognized instantly. His fingers reached inside the tiny metal door of the machine, and luckily, he managed to pull out a tiny, circular piece of candy that might be able to save him in his time of need.

Double D crossed his fingers as he threw the gumball into his mouth and began to chew as fast as he possibly could. This was quite the gambit, but he had no other choice. Marie could see what Double D was doing, and she just laughed at his attempt as she grabbed him by the collar.

"You might as well spit that out. Your mouth is my property now!" she commanded, but Double D did not comply. Instead, he pushed his tongue into the sticky gum in his mouth and began to blow. Suddenly, a gigantic yellow bubble formed above his mouth, and it just kept expanding until it reached the size of a small blimp. Marie Kanker just looked up at it in momentary confusion, wondering to what Double D was thinking.

And then, Double D's gumball bubble burst.

Not surprisingly, the sock-headed Ed was thrown out of Marie's grip by the force of his bubble exploding. Having been thrown to the ground, the sock-headed Ed rubbed what was underneath his hat in an attempt to try and relieve his pain. He had been spared for the moment however. Double D thought that plan would have been just as successful as one of Eddy's scams.

Marie Kanker was in utter shock. The explosion had surprised her, that was for sure. She was sitting on the ground, her mouth agape as if she had seen a ghost.

And for some reason, her hair felt strange. She touched it with one hand, and it was then that she realized what exactly had happened.

Standing up and looking at Double D like he had two heads, Marie Kanker proceeded to let out the most ear-splitting and horrible scream that Double D had ever heard in his entire life.

"HEY! What's the racket for!" I'm busy here!" Lee said angrily as she and May appeared in response to their sister's call. Eddy looked dazed as he was dragged along by one arm, and Ed had suffering written all over his face. Both Ed and Eddy had pink kiss marks in the most obvious of places.

May gasped and let go of Ed. "...that's gum!"

Lee was the first to react, gritting her teeth angrily and approaching Double D. Not knowing what the expect, Double wasn't at all ready for the kick that Lee delivered. Tears welling up in his eyes and pain coursing through him like electricity, Double D bit down on his lip hard and fell into a fetal position. That was the one place he really didn't want to be kicked. Somewhat satisfied now, Lee Kanker just put her hands on her sides and growled at Double D like an angry lioness. "That's for putting gum in my sister's hair! Nobody does that but me!"

No longer interested in their respective Eds, Lee and May picked up a stunned Marie as if she was a baby. Apparently, gum in her hair was no laughing matter to them.

"Don't worry, Marie. I've got a whole stash of peanut putter back home. We'll get it all out." May said in an attempt to console her sister. But Marie wasn't feeling any better. Her hair was ruined, and it was all because of Double D. She never imagined that someone like him could fight so dirty. She would actually be impressed by an act like this one; if it hadn't been done to her, of course.

"That's a dumb idea. We have tons of cooking oil for that! Let's just get out of here already. Mom was right; Men have no respect!" Lee told her blonde sister, before giving all three Eds one last grimace. And with that, the three Kanker sisters made their exit.

Having now somewhat recovered from Lee's kick, Double D could have sworn that Marie had given him a death glare as she left with her sisters. He gulped, and hoped he was just imagining things. Eddy and Ed seemed to be in sudden awe of their sock-headed friend, much to Double D's surprise.

"What did you do to her?" Eddy asked, a look of wonder on his face.

Double D rubbed his forehead and realized a terrible headache was coming on. "I don't want to talk about it, Eddy. I just want to go home and take a nice, long bath..."

"Me too! Except with gravy!" Ed said cheerfully, having reverted back to his old self. Double D couldn't help but smile at his friend's comment. He and Eddy could always depend on Ed to make them smile.

"I just want to get this lipstick off. Let's split, guys. This place is just giving us bad memories." Eddy commented.

Double D couldn't agree with him more. But as he thought about it, the sock-headed Ed began to realize that a lot of places were starting to give him bad memories.

That was the legacy of the Kanker Sisters.

**E-E-E**

**And there's the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. If anyone seems out-of-character, my humor seems too dry, or anything else seems out of the ordinary, please tell me in your review! I greatly appreciate feedback of all sorts and I feel like I might need it for this story. Anyway, the plot will become much more apparent soon. Stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2

**And here comes the redone Chapter 2 for your viewing pleasure! Hope you enjoy...and please remember to review! :D**

**E-E-E**

Back in the Kanker trailer at the Park'n'Flush, one of the Kanker Sisters was busy having a hissy fit over the condition of her precious hair. Not only was this blue-haired Kanker ticked off about her sacred follicles, but she was also just as mad about the fact that her "boyfriend" had just narrowly escaped her grasp earlier today.

"Just keep holding still, Marie! You gotta rub the peanut butter in nice and good, otherwise none of the gum will come out." May Kanker said to her less than willing blue-haired sister. Her own toothbrush in hand, May was busy brushing peanut butter into her sister's hair in an attempt to rid it of yellow bubble gum. Despite May's positive words, Marie was still pretty ticked about the whole situation.

"Stupid Double D...going and putting gum in my beautiful hair! This is the thanks I get for being such a good girlfriend..." Marie said with a sneer. Tears were welling up in her eyes, but she quickly rubbed them away. She definitely didn't need her sisters thinking she was soft or anything.

"What do you expect? That's what men do. They use you until they're sick of you, and then they throw you away like an old hubcap. Mom is always telling us that." Lee replied as she pulled one of her shirts out of a murky water-filled bucket. As she squeezed it out, dark green liquid spilled into the bucket.

"Do you want me to give him a purple nurple? I'm make sure it hurts extra!" May asked, but her sister just pulled away from her cleaning and grabbed May by her shirt collar.

"Nobody hurts him except me! You got that, woodchuck!" Marie practically screamed in May's face, causing her to drop the peanut butter-encrusted toothbrush.

"Jeez...you don't have to be so mean about it." May replied quietly. Even the normally salty Lee, who had just come back from putting wet clothes out to dry, couldn't help but feel that Marie was being overly mean.

"Hey! Calm yourself already. It's just gum." Lee said, but Marie still wouldn't budge. She couldn't stop thinking of how much she wanted to hurt Double D. Sure, he could run away from her and be disgusted by her, but when he messed with her look, he was crossing the line. If her sisters hadn't been there to take her away, Marie imagined she would have quickly been on Double D like piranhas on an injured capybara.

"It's not just gum! He messed with my hair! I don't just go around forgiving that kind of thing. I need payback!" Marie exclaimed, her hands balled into angry fists and her teeth bared. May had stopped brushing the peanut butter into her hair, leaving globules of yellow gum mixed with peanut butter scattered throughout Marie's scalp.

Marie turned to her red-haired sister bearing a very sinister expression. "You know what? We've still got plenty of time. Let's go pay those stupid Eds a visit. I want my payback today!"

"Can I at least get the rest of the gum out of your hair first?" May asked innocently. Marie didn't say anything, instead crossing her arms and turning away from May as a sign that the blonde Kanker could continue her work.

"Hmmm...that's not a bad idea. I say those Eds got off a little too easy with us." Lee said, rubbing her chin as an toothy grin began to form on her freckled face. Now that she thought about it, the red-haired Kanker realized that the Eds could always use a little more tough love. And who's to say they couldn't make it a little worse than usual? After all, Double D did almost ruin her sister's hair. And like Marie had said; that wasn't something you just forgave easily.

Lee gave her blue-haired sister a reassuring smile.

"Just go wash that crud off. When you're done, we're gonna go pay the Eds a little visit. And this time, you and your man will get all the quality time you want..."

**E-E-E**

Inside a large jar labeled "FIREFLY," many of the tiny, glowing insects buzzed around. Their fluorescent lights filled up every inch of their containers, much to Double D's delight. However, the sock-headed Ed felt terrible at what he was about to put his little bug friends through. Attempting to give them one last look of goodbye, Double D was interrupted by Eddy, who rudely snatched the jar of fireflies away.

"Eddy!" Double D yelled at his shorter friend.

"Ah, quit whining, Double D! They're just bugs!" he replied as he quickly inspected the tiny insects to make sure none of them were dead. Because to Eddy; dead fireflies meant no light, and no light meant no cash.

"For your information, they're not just bugs. They are winged beetles, to be precise. And I still question the not only the legality of this scam, but also the ethical ramifications, Eddy." Double D stated, but his shorter friend wouldn't hear it.

"Lighten up, Sockhead. All that mumbo jumbo doesn't matter. Alls that matters is that we get some suckers tonight. Now where the heck is Ed with those flashlights..." Eddy asked, looking around to see if he could spot any sign of his monobrow-wearing friend.

"Hey Ed! We need those stupid flashlights already!" Eddy shouted at the top of his lungs. There were sounds of things falling and junk being tossed around before Double D spotted Ed coming out from his basement window, with close to a dozen different flashlights of all different sizes and colors in his possession.

"I got them, Eddy! Just like you said." Ed said to his shorter friend with a laugh, before he dropped the flashlights on the table Eddy had set up on his lawn only minutes before. Like a movie director, Eddy motioned for his friends to put the finishing touches on the platform for their scam. Once Ed and Double D were done, Eddy couldn't help but look at his newest scheme with a huge grin on his face.

"We're gonna rake in some real dough tonight, boys. This scam is foolproof!" Eddy said with glee in his voice, but Double D still felt unsure about the whole thing.

"But Eddy, even if we do make any money, the candy store already close-" Double D attempted to say, only to have Eddy shove a hand right over his mouth and muffle his voice.

"Details, details. Let's worry about them later and actually make ourselves some moolah!" Eddy announced with excitement in his voice, "Ed! Start putting the bugs into the flashlights! I'm gonna wake up the suckers..."

"Okey dokey, Eddy." Ed said with a thumbs up, before he bent down to pick up two jars of fireflies and place them on the table. Using a screwdriver, Double D reluctantly began to dismantle the flashlights. He proceeded to remove the power sources inside each flashlight, before handing them to Ed, who, as best as he could, carefully put one of the fireflies into the empty space inside the flashlight. Double D winced every time he saw Ed grab a firefly in his palm, out of fear that the big Ed might accidentally crush one of the docile little insects.

As the two kept working, Ed happened to put one the fireflies up to his face out of curiosity. He laughed at the little light it created, at least until the bug decided to take the liberty to fly up into his nose. Ed's face contorted in response to this, with his eyes popping out and his ears twitching. Finally, Ed's cranium suddenly lit up like a light bulb, and he simply laughed again as the tiny little firefly made refuge inside his skull.

"Hahahahaha, that tickles..." he chuckled. As usual, Double D was beginning to become annoyed at Ed's antics, and he proceeded to pull out a sterilized glove, put it on, and reach inside Ed's ear to remove the lost firefly.

"Ed! Don't do that! These insects are very fragile..." Double D warned as he placed the firefly in one of the empty flashlights. His glove was covered with excess earwax, and Double D quickly rid himself of the article before spraying disinfectant all over his hand. He practically shivered to himself, because he could only imagine what other disgusting things Ed's poorly cleaned ears would have inside them.

Meanwhile, Eddy had taken the liberty of using a blow horn to wake the inhabitants of the Cul-de-Sac. Of course, the shortest of the Eds stopped when he saw lights turning on in the houses around him. The door to Kevin's house was the first to open up, much to Eddy's delight. He was already savoring the taste of a newly purchased jawbreaker.

"Hey! You dorks just woke me up from a good dream!" Kevin shouted with an angry face. Kevin had just been dreaming about his bike, as usual, when he had heard a loud noise that woke him up from the best part of his dream in a heartbeat. So to thank Ed, Edd n' Eddy, Kevin was planning on giving them each a nice, big knuckle sandwich.

Eddy managed to ignore Kevin's complaints for now, and proceeded to announce his newest scam to the kids of the Cul-de-Sac.

"Welcome...to Ed's House of Forever Flashlights!" Eddy said in his loudest and most spectacular voice. Kevin was only nice enough to let Eddy make his little announcement, before roughly grabbing Eddy by the collar and threatening him with a glare.

But as Eddy has hoped, other inhabitants of the Cul-de-Sac began to converge on the scene. Most of them looked pretty tired, however, save for Jonny, who looked as alive as ever.

"The night's still young, eh guys?" Jonny said in hopes of lifting up everyone's tired mood. His audience didn't make any attempt to answer him however, so he just stuck with talking to Plank, "I guess some people just can't handle a life like ours, huh, buddy?"

"I'm not in the mood for another stupid idea of yours, dork!" Kevin yelled in Eddy's face, hoping to scare him enough that he and his friends would pack up and leave. Eddy was not to be intimidated yet, though.

"Hey, I'm just a salesman. And I think you could use one of our fine Forever Flashlights. It'll never run out on you...guaranteed!" Eddy told Kevin, with some flavor added to the word "guaranteed".

Kevin pushed Eddy away by the collar, perhaps because he wasn't even in the mood to amuse the dork.

"Yeah, but you'll still be a guaranteed dork! This is stupid. Do whatever you want with your dork lights, but if you blast that horn again I'm not going to be so nice when I come back out." Kevin told Eddy, who simply grinned in triumph as he watched Kevin leave the scene. He was just one egg among a dozen, and he only needed a few to make his proverbial omelette.

"Wow...they are so shiny!" Rolf said in his heavily-accented tone of voice as he held one of the flashlights in his hand and inspected it. "They remind me of the glowing fish that I would eat in The Old Country when the mud puddles dried up. This Rolf approves, yes?"

"Hey! No touching till you pay for that! And that's 25 cents, Rolfy!" Eddy said as he reached over and snatched away the flashlight from Rolf's hand. "And that goes for all of you...twenty five cents or nothing! Now who's willing to cough up some cash?"

The tired eyes of the Cul-de-Sac kids stared back at Eddy with the enthusiasm of zombies. Rolf and Jonny seemed to be the only ones truly awake. Sarah and Jimmy were leaning on one another, having already dozed off. Taking another look at the "Forever Flashlights", Rolf still seemed unsure as he rubbed his chin and wondered if the quarter was really worth it.

"Eddy says that the suckers should buy." Ed chuckled.

"They don't even use electricity, Rolf. It's the bio-luminescence of a firefly, and as long as they're well-kept and fed regularly, the light will never run out." Double D said in his most genuine voice, even though he himself knew that what he was saying was all for Eddy. It was becoming increasingly obvious that Double D was starting to loathe this scam.

"Rolf is not sure..." Rolf said as he looked over the various flashlights, still rubbing his chin.

"What do you think? Should we buy one, Plank?" Jonny asked his wooden friend, and as usual, Plank gave no audible response. At least, not ones that the Eds or Rolf could hear.

Eddy was ready to pull his hair out. Why wouldn't they just shut up and buy one already! This scam was supposed to be foolproof! This kind of thing always worked for his brother. Just what the heck was he doing wrong?

"Oh come on, already! Are you buying them or what!" Eddy exclaimed, having nearly reached his limit as his impatience got the better of him.

Rolf opened his mouth to respond, but someone else managed to beat him to it. Their voice was loud enough that it managed to wake up Sarah and Jimmy at the same time and cause the two of them to fall down on their bottoms.

"I didn't you boys were having a slumber party. You forgot to invite us." Lee Kanker taunted as she, May and Marie made their entrance. The three Kanker sisters laughed maniacally as they approached the Eds, and like usual, the kids began to scatter.

"Run for your lives! Rolf is only the son of a shepard!" Rolf screamed as he waved his hands in the air like a madman. He ran towards his house as fast as his long legs could carry him. Similarly, Jonny and Plank made a run for it, while a now-awake Sarah just picked Jimmy up in her arms and bolted towards her house.

"Not again..." Double D whispered, and he was quick to hide behind the much bigger Ed. Unfortunately for Double D, Ed was just as scared as he was, and moved behind Double D, leaving Double D now in the open.

"Oh come on! Haven't you tortured us enough in one day!" Eddy shouted to the Kankers. Lee just smiled, and nodded towards Marie as if passing a silent message. In response, the blue-haired Kanker's smile shifted to a nasty grimace, and she stomped towards the table Double D and Ed were hiding behind. With one hand, she smacked the table away and sent it crashing right onto Eddy, who proceeded to see stars as he lay dazed in the wreckage of his scam.

"Come along, Double D..." Marie growled, and the sock-headed Ed could see that she was holding what looked like a large burlap bag in on of her hands. Screaming like a little girl, Double D cowered back behind Ed again.

"Ed, please! Save me!" he pleaded. Big Ed, though just as afraid of the Kanker Sisters as Double D was, tried his best to stand tall against Marie.

"You will not suck out his brain, alien scum!" Ed stated with arms spread out as he tried to block off Double D. Marie just looked at him with annoyance, before snapping her fingers. The shadow of May Kanker coming down was all Ed really got a glimpse of before she was on him.

"NOOOOO! IT'S GOT ME AGAIN!" Ed wailed as Marie controlled him as she had earlier in the Junkyard. Ed waved his arms around like crazy, but it didn't help much. He'd become successfully jockeyed once again.

Double D could only watch as the events from earlier in the day unfolded once again in front of him. Unfortunately, Double D only had time to turn around and see darkness enveloping him as Marie Kanker laughed like an evil witch.

"Gotcha, sweetie!" she exclaimed as her burlap bag seemed to swallow Double D whole.

At first, Double D tried to escape. Unfortunately, His efforts didn't last long. Fear taking him over, Double D could only take one more labored breath before his body betrayed him and he passed out.

**E-E-E**

When Double D came to, the first thing he noticed was that he was unable to move his arms or legs. His vision somewhat groggy, the sock-headed Ed scanned his surroundings. Surprisingly, he was more worried about where he was as opposed to what might have happened to Ed and Eddy.

A musty odor invaded Double D's nostrils almost instantly. He made a disgusted face and tried his best to avoid breathing through his nose. He could see that he was in a room, but it didn't look like one that was at all clean. Piles of debris were scattered across the floor, and a worn table was leaning against the ripped wall across from Double D. He looked around for open windows, but the only ones he spotted had been covered up with large wooden planks. There was only one door to the room, and it was far across from him and obviously closed shut.

He was trapped, it seemed. Struggling against the ropes holding him, Double D felt a chill run down his spine when he heard a familiar voice whisper in his ear.

"Welcome to your honeymoon, sweetie."

Double D couldn't turn around to see, but Marie Kanker had a clearly evil smile on her face. Leaning against one of Double D's shoulders, she relished the fact that he was already beginning to shake in fear. That was a good thing. She wanted him to be scared. It was the main reason why picking on the Eds was so much fun. Marie couldn't imagine what she and her sisters would do if the Eds weren't always so afraid.

"Excuse me...but you're invading my personal space." Double D said with as much manliness in his voice as he could muster. Unfortunately, his efforts were vain, and Marie just cackled in his ear.

Double D was cursing the world inside his head right now. Was this how it was always going to be?

Time and time again, the Kanker Sisters always seemed to win. Reverse psychology didn't work on them, and that had to be the best thing Double D had ever come up with to combat them. No matter what Double D did, the Kankers always seemed to be a step ahead of him.

Thus, his plans would fail, and the three sisters would subject them all to their usual girlish tortures. For Ed and Eddy, this was probably just incredibly uncomfortable. But for Double D, it was always much worse. It was like a living nightmare that he couldn't escape from. And no amount of logic, calculation or brain power never seemed able to save him.

"Hey! Aren't you paying attention to me?" Marie said with a look of annoyance on her face as she poked Double D in the forehead. He looked up weakly. It's not like he was going to pretend that he was enjoying her company.

"I'm really too afraid to say much right now, thank you." Double D answered honestly. In response, he felt Marie grab him roughly by the collar, and before he knew it, they were practically face to face. Forced to stare into her freckle-filled visage, Double D couldn't help but be surprised that she in fact didn't have rancid breath despite the unnatural color of her teeth.

"Well here's the deal, sweetie. You messed up my hair, and there's only one way I'm going to forgive you for it." she began, her smile growing with each word, "It's going to cost you one kiss."

Double D raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, his fear washed away. Only one kiss from her? Sure, it wasn't going to be the most pleasant thing in the world, but was that really all she wanted from him?

"One...you mean that's all I have to endure?" Double D said in a slightly more hopeful voice as he made a small gap-toothed smile.

This was a crazy thought, but his opinion of Marie would certainly improve if she really meant what she was saying. Then again, she had a tendency to lie. Trusting her was probably not the best idea in the world.

"Oh, I'm not giving you one." Marie said as she proceeded to sit on Double D's lap and put a hand on his cheek. She pointed at her mouth before saying, "You're going to be giving me one, Double D...right here."

Double D's lips comically puckered deep into the caverns of his mouth. He shook his head back and forth, trying to tell Marie that there was no way he could ever bring himself to do something like that willingly. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't taking no for an answer.

"You don't like the idea? Well too bad for you, buddy boy! Because until I get that kiss; you're not going anywhere!" she said to him in a much angrier tone of voice. Double D did not let his lips puff back out, and instead continued to stare right in Marie's face as he tried his best to figure out some sort of solution to this problem.

But Double D didn't have to think for long. Even he had to admit that he was just too afraid to give anyone a kiss; let alone a girl so obsessed with him like Marie was. The answer to his predicament was simple.

He was doomed.


	3. Chapter 3

**For any of you who were confused by the fact that all my chapters were messed up due to my re-writing...here is my token of forgiveness. A new chapter ready to go! Enjoy! :)**

**E-E-E**

So this is what his final curtain call felt like, Double D thought. Strangely, he imagined that it would have been more ominous. Instead, it seemed just a bit too ridiculous for his tastes.

Until he had a plan in his head, it was obvious that there was no escape for Double D. His lips having retreated into his mouth out of fear of being kissed, Double D could only watch as Marie Kanker circled him like a shark circling a shipwrecked sailor. There wasn't much grace in her steps, mostly due to the fact that she was becoming increasingly annoyed the longer she circled Double D.

And he knew exactly why she was so ticked off. She wasn't happy that he had gotten gum in her hair when she had tried to steal a kiss from him earlier. So in a form of vengeance, she gave him only one supposed "solution" to this dilemma of him. All Double D had to give Marie Kanker was a single kiss on the lips.

Unfortunately, that kind of thing was easier said than done for someone like Double D. Not only did the idea of kissing anyone terrify him, but he definitely didn't see Marie as his ideal person.

"You can't keep this up forever, Double D. I'm going to get some willing lip action from you if it takes all night." Marie stated as she stopped in front of Double D. She stared down at him with her arms crossed and a devious look in her eyes.

"This is so unnecessary..." Double D said quietly. He didn't fully understand what Marie was trying to accomplish with all this. She had kissed him so many times in the past, with each kiss being more unwanted than the next. Why was it so important that she force to Double D to give her a kiss instead of her just assaulting him as usual? And why did it have to be on the lips?

Double D felt like sulking, and as he tried to force himself to relax, his lips relaxed and Marie saw her chance. The sock-headed Ed yelped as he felt her grab him by the jaw. Slowly, he could feel himself being forced to face Marie at eye level. His body shaking once again, the sock-headed Ed watched helplessly as Marie fluttered her eyelashes as if trying to coax Double D into kissing her already.

"Come on, Double D. Aren't I pretty to you?" Marie asked in her best innocent voice, but Double D didn't really know what to say.

"Do I have to answer that question?" Double D inquired politely, but his manners were lost to Marie, who simply made a nasty expression and roughly pushed him away from her. Double D spun around in his chair before he tipped over and fell onto the floor. Luckily, he managed to land sideways.

"You're supposed to say yes!" Marie exclaimed angrily in response to Double D's statement. She was trying to somewhat curb her attitude because she believed it would make getting a kiss out of Double D easier.

However, she was beginning to want to rip her hair out at his lack of a spine. She was supposed to be having fun with Double D; not getting annoyed by him. After all, her sisters were doing her a big favor keeping the other two Eds "distracted" while she had Double D all to herself.

Double D knew he couldn't do much at a time like this but sigh. He was still very afraid, but he began to wonder if there was even a point to being scared. As long as he continued to remain in fear, it would always be like this. Marie liked his fear. She enjoyed watching him running away, cowering from her, and pushing her away when she tried to kiss him.

As Double D lay on the floor, still tied the chair, with an annoyed Marie Kanker above him, a spark ignited in his brain. It was a sudden revelation, and Double D felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.

He knew the reason why the Kankers had such a hold over him and his friends. It wasn't because they were necessarily better or smarter than them, and it wasn't blind luck either. As Double D processed it in his brain, he deduced that they had an advantage that the Eds didn't have. There was a reason Lee had been able to eventually see through their reverse psychology attempt, even after all that time that the Eds had the Kankers running scared.

Double D felt his chair being set upright again. Marie was glaring at him, clearly waiting for something. He tried to glare back, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

That was his weakness at work. It was the advantage the Kanker Sisters had over Ed, Edd n' Eddy since the day they'd met.

Fear. It was nothing more than simple fear. And as long as they kept the Eds afraid of them and their kisses, the Kanker Sisters had power over them. No amount of reverse psychology, brilliant inventions or restraining orders could stand up against the fact that Eds were always being weakened by their own fear.

"Don't you want to go home, Double D? Back to your warm bed?" Marie teased, hoping she might be able to get enough of a rise out of her "boyfriend" that he would submit to her wishes already.

"I would like to, but the prerequisites you've placed before me are not very appealing." Double D responded articulately. Unfortunately for him, Marie seemed to be reaching her limit. Her face began to turn red, and she gritted her teeth angrily before reaching for hair as if she really did plan on ripping it all out.

Finally, Marie grabbed Double D by the collar and screamed in his face, "This is stupid! Give me a kiss right now...or else we'll see just what's under that hat of yours!"

Marie was clearly reaching her boiling point. While she enjoyed having Double D in fear of her, this was just starting to become aggravating. One thing was for sure; Mom had been right when she said that men were nothing more than spineless worms.

Double D gulped. Now he really didn't have much of a choice at all, because he definitely didn't need anyone else finding out what he kept hidden underneath his hat.

Double D closed his eyes and sighed again. His mind, normally used to calculating, was now being told that he was in fact not afraid of the girl before him. For the minute he needed to kiss her, Double D would cast aside all fear. Remembering the exercises from his psychology manual, Double D purged his mind of the idea that he, Ed and Eddy were afraid of the Kanker Sisters. Instead, he imagined himself in a field of flowers, surrounded by colorful butterflies of all kinds.

When he opened his eyes, he imagined that he was staring at a very pretty girl, with sparkling eyes and pristine white teeth. In his moment of delusion, Double D made a wide gap-toothed grin. Having decided his next course of action, Double D did exactly what he never imagined himself doing.

Double D puckered his lips and just went in for the kill.

It wasn't a very long kiss, but it lasted long enough that Double D eventually realized he was overdoing it. Detaching himself from Marie Kanker, Double D wondered if he should ashamed or proud of what he just did. Not wanting to ruin his chances of escaping Marie's clutches, Double D remained silent as his state of self-induced hypnosis faded.

The sock-headed Ed smiled. He was actually beginning to feel a little proud of himself. In fact, Double D was becoming proud enough of his accomplishment to the point where he almost didn't care if Marie just tricked him into that kiss. He still managed to do it, and that was quite a feat in and of itself.

"There. Now you said I'd be free to go." Double D stated, but surprisingly, he got no response. He raised an eyebrow in confusion at the sight of the girl in front of him. Marie was sitting on the ground cross-legged, her face pasted with what looked like a very lovestruck expression. Hearts were visible in her eyes, and she seemed to be rocking back and forth while laughing softly.

Naturally, Double D couldn't help but wonder if something was wrong with her, because that was not at all the reaction he had been expecting. Double D imagined that Marie was going to tell him that his kiss hadn't been good enough and that he was going to need proper "lessons" from her.

"Marie...?" he said, but she seemed to be ignoring him. Still bound with ropes, the sock-headed Ed wondered how he was to escape these bonds if Marie was distracted like this.

But much to his surprise, a familiar voice on the other side of the door gave him all the hope he could ever need.

"He's in there, Eddy!"

That sounded like Ed.

"Alright, Ed! Time to put the hard head of yours to good use!"

And the other voice was definitely Eddy.

"Okey dokey, Eddy! Ram Ed is ready for ramming!"

Double D heard shuffling on the other side of the door, and then the sound of someone running fast in his direction. There was a loud crash, and the door to the room flew over right Double D's head and bounced against the wall behind him.

Standing in the doorway was Eddy, and he was holding a laughing Ed as if he was some sort of battering ram. Though he could feel relief washing over him, Double D had trouble believing that his two friends had really just escaped the Kankers unscathed. From what he could see though, neither Ed nor Eddy had any sign of kiss marks anywhere on their persons.

"Hahahaha...rescue time, Double D!" Ed stated, while Eddy held him like one would hold a weed whacker as he approached the bound Double D. All this time, Marie Kanker seemed to be oblivious to the situation around her, still rocking back and forth with the same lovey dovey look on her face.

"Let her rip, Ed!" Eddy told his larger friend, and Ed grinned stupidly before he opened his mouth and began to chomp down on the ropes holding Double D. It was a crude effort, but it worked, and in a couple seconds Ed's teeth had gnawed through the ropes completely, releasing Double D.

"Ed! Eddy! How did you...?" Double D began, but Eddy was quick to cut him off.

"Ah, don't worry about it, Sockhead. Ed's got the nose of a bloodhound." he replied, and Ed proceeded to chuckle before adding in his two cents.

"You smell squeaky clean, Double D!"

"Why thank you, Ed." Double D said with a smile. Now free from those ropes, he took the liberty to hug himself and know that he wasn't trapped anymore. Partially distracted by his newfound freedom, Double D almost didn't hear Eddy's comment when the shortest Ed noticed Marie still rocking back and forth.

"Hey, what's with her?" Eddy asked, before waving a hand experimentally in front of Marie's eyes to see if he could get a reaction. As he expected, Marie didn't seem to notice and just giggled before saying, "You're a good kisser, Double D..."

Eddy looked back at Double D and immediately wondered what she was talking about. Double D rubbed the back of his neck nervously and tried to divert Eddy's attention.

"Maybe we should go. She might snap out of that trance soon." he suggested. Luckily, Eddy didn't question any further.

"Yeah, let's split. I've run enough from Kankers for one day." Eddy said, before leading Double D and Ed out the doorway. As the trio left, Double D couldn't help but glance back at Marie. She was still in her trance. Double D felt a knot beginning to form in his stomach.

Something felt strange. He could only wonder if what he had done was in fact the right thing,

Sighing to himself as he followed Ed and Eddy out of the Old Abandoned House, Double D decided to let the questions sit for now, and he wished only for the comfort of his labeled bed.

**E-E-E**

Ed laughed in the face of the skull in his hand, hoping in the back of his silly mind that the skull would laugh back. Unfortunately for the biggest of the Eds, his fantasy remained a fantasy, and the skull remained as silent as always. Nevertheless, Ed kept laughing as he put the skull on top of his head and held his arms out like grasping claws.

"Beware puny mortals from the wrath of the two-headed Zombie Brain Muncher! Feed me your brains or face your doooom!" Ed exclaimed in his best movie monster voice. Eddy, who sitting on Double D's bed and waiting, just looked at Ed and wondered how much of that monobrow hair actually went back into his brain.

"So you still haven't told us why little miss Kanker was acting weird when we found you," Eddy began, "I figure since me and Ed saved your skin back there, you owe it to both of us that we get all the juicy details."

Double D, who was busy inspecting the ant farm with his magnifying glass, didn't really want to answer Eddy, but he knew he had to. Unfortunately for Double D, Eddy actually knew quite a bit more than he was letting on. The shortest of the Eds could only guess that Double D had to have done something embarrassing to get one of the Kankers to act like that. Eddy could already taste the blackmail.

"Trust me Eddy, you don't want any details. I had to do something extreme so that she'd let me go." Double D replied, his tone of voice implying that he didn't really want to explain anymore. Eddy could tell that Double D was holding back however, and Eddy was not one to let a good secret go to waste. He grinned before jumping off Double D's bed and putting an arm around Ed's shoulder.

"Hey Ed..."

Ed let the skull roll off his head, "What is it, Eddy?"

"I know what Double D's not telling us..." Eddy said with a sly tone of voice. Ed began to smile wide as he leaned in so Eddy could whisper in his ear.

But as Ed listened, Double D could easily see that his expression changing rapidly. It went from a dumb smile to a look of pure horror. Unable to fully believe what Eddy was telling him, Ed gasped before shouting, "No way! That's so gross, Double D! How could you survive such a hideous encounter with a life-sucking alien!"

"I can't wrap my brain around it either, Ed. If only Double D would tell us everything..." Eddy stated as he continued to grin at Double D. Double D, feeling extremely uncomfortable now, put his magnifying glass down so he could give both Ed and Eddy his full attention.

"If you must know, I had no other choice! But while the two of you joke around, I'll just be sure to keep the secret to why the Kankers always best us to myself, thank you!" Double D stated with his hands behind his back and a disapproving look on his face.

Eddy's smug expression seemed to fade in an instant. He jumped on Double D's chest, grabbing him by the collar and yelling right up in his face, "Secret? What secret, Sockhead? What do you know?"

"Please get off me, Eddy..."

Suddenly having a thirst for Double D's knowledge, Eddy managed to comply and let go of Double D. Brushing off the front of his shirt, Double D cleared his throat.

"In his first inaugural address, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said and I quote, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I realized yesterday that his words speak volumes to all three of us, Eddy. It pretty much sums up our predicament with the Kanker Sisters." Double D began to explain. Eddy seemed interested in what he had to say, for once, but as usual Ed was distracted by something, namely Double D's ant farm.

"How's that got anything to do with our problem?" Eddy asked while giving Double D a confused look.

"Our problem is fear, Eddy! The reason reverse psychology didn't work on the Kanker Sisters is because you let them know you were afraid at a crucial moment!" Double D stated, leaving Eddy to look at Double D like he was pronouncing him as a criminal.

"Hey, that stuff ain't easy, Sockhead! I can't help it if they creep me out." the shortest of the Eds replied as he crossed his arms and gritted his teeth. He wasn't going to admit it, but Double D was right. If he hadn't shown that glimmer of fear, then maybe they wouldn't still have to deal with the threat of the Kanker Sisters on a daily basis.

"That's our weakness, Eddy. I've figured out that the reason the Kanker sisters are so successful in their conquest against us is nothing more than simple fear. Once we cease being so scared of them, I imagine they would become bored of us and finally leave us alone forever!" Double D announced with a gap-toothed smile.

"But Double D...I don't like kisses very much." Ed commented.

"Lumpy's got a point. You just expect us pull this act of yours out of nowhere?" Eddy added. Unfortunately, Double D didn't exactly have an answer to that.

"Well...that's the part I still have to figure out. My psychology manual says that it's very possible for one to convince oneself the existence of something that really isn't there. It's a gamble, but it might just work if executed properly." Double D replied while rubbing his chin and thinking just how this idea of his was going to be pulled off.

Of course, Double D failed to mention that he had used this method on himself with Marie Kanker the other day. He really didn't want to go back into the details of that night, especially because Double D couldn't really remember any feelings of unpleasantness during that kiss. And just thinking about that notion made Double D's stomach turn.

"Trust me, Eddy. This will work if we do it right..."

Eddy was no doubt skeptical of the idea Double D was proposing. To him, it sounded like all it was going to do was humiliate them. Nevertheless, Eddy decided to put his doubt aside for now, and trust that Double D knew what he was doing, "Fine. We'll go with your plan then...if you're so sure."

"This sounds hard, Double D. I don't know if I can resist kisses for long..." Ed said with a worried expression.

"Don't you worry, Ed." Double D reassured him, "I've got it all covered. Before you know it, the Kanker Sisters and their kisses will be things of the past for us!"

But the more Double D thought about it, the more he realized just how risky this plan of his was going to be. Because if he got captured by Marie like that again, Double D did not even want to speculate what kind of things she'd put him through...


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope none of you think this story isn't being updated frequently. No, the recent reviews have in fact inspired me to no end. And you know what that means.**

**Super fast updating! It's back, baby! Enjoy the unfolding story. :D**

**E-E-E**

Ed salivated like a dog as he stared at his beloved tub of gravy. Not wanting to believe that his supply was on the brink of running out, Ed attacked the tub like a wild animal. His tongue slid around the sidings of his bathtub, picking up all remnants of the juicy liquid. It tasted like heaven to the biggest of the Eds.

Like a dog, Ed panted as he scanned the contents of his tub again. Whimpering, Ed made a long face when he realized that he had eaten all his gravy. Picking himself up and stepping out of his tub, Ed just stared ahead for a couple seconds with a blank look on his face, as if he was unable to process his predicament.

"Gravy..." he stated, before one of his ears picked up a strange sound coming from outside the bathroom. Having lost interest in his lack of gravy for the moment, Ed jumped out of his bathroom and into his living space. He landed on his face and skidded along the floor, squashing an old moldy sandwich before coming to a stop.

"Is that you, Sarah?" Ed asked, only to look up and see something unfamiliar having taken residence in his room. At first, his eyes had trouble processing the newcomer in front of them. There was the comical sound of paper being printed, before Ed's mouth opened slightly and he realized who was in his room with him.

"K-K-Kanker scum!" Ed shouted in fear as he pointed an accusing finger towards May Kanker. With his hair practically shooting off the top of his scalp, Ed wasn't planning on giving May any opening. In panic, he scurried underneath his mattress. Only his two eyes were visible as Ed watched the dreaded Kanker stand there and do absolutely nothing.

Not one to truly think over things and come up with some sort of complex plan, Ed's small brain decided his best course of action was to stay under his bed. He was safe among the refuse, fungus and partially eaten food. But as Ed waited, he could hear the sound of someone stomping down the stairs to his room. Their steps were like that of the War Beast of the Boya people, each one shaking Ed's room like small earthquakes.

Could it be another one of the Kankers coming to aid their sister in draining the fluids from his body? Ed could only hope that wasn't the case.

"ED! Where the heck are you, ya big lummox?" Sarah screamed in anger as she slammed open the door to Ed's room. Still in fear of May being in his room, Ed said nothing and remained hidden underneath his bed. His sister didn't look any less displeased however, and she proceeded to stomp towards the figure of May Kanker standing in the middle of Ed's room.

"What the..." Sarah began to say, wondering what this was doing the middle of Ed's room, "Where are you, Ed? Jimmy's sick and I'm bored! Come out and play with me...or I'm telling Mom!"

Much to Sarah's surprise, Ed did not reveal himself in response to her threat. His little sister crossed her arms in annoyance, before her anger got the better of her and she proceeded to kick May Kanker right in the head, causing one of her eyes to fall out and roll along Ed's dirty floor. Not at all satisfied, Sarah screamed again, hoping to scare her brother out of hiding this time.

"Oh...you can't hide forever! Mom's going to find out about this sooner or later!" she roared. Ed still didn't budge, but his eyes were now focused on the eye that had stopped at the foot of his mattress. Having reached the limit of her patience, Sarah just gritted her teeth one last time before slamming Ed's door behind her. Models and old knick-knacks toppled over onto the floor, and Ed's room rattled violently again as Sarah stomped back up the stairs.

Once he was sure his sister was far from his room, Ed crawled out from under his bed in the fashion of a trapdoor spider. Inspecting the eye that Sarah had kicked off of May's face, Ed soon realized that it wasn't actually an eye at all. In a moment of rare intelligence, Ed's brain identified the "eye" as nothing more than a black button.

What he had thought to be May Kanker was nothing more than an imitation of her. It was made of bedsheets filled with feathers, and most of the body wasn't too detailed save for the face. Two dominoes served as May's buck teeth, and an old red hacky sack took the place of her nose. A stringy mop painted the color yellow made up what was supposed to be her hair. One black button on her face represented an eye, with the other button nestled in Ed's sweaty palm.

The more Ed looked at the fake May, the more he felt like he was supposed to be remembering something. A thought bubble formed over his head as he tried to think.

Ed's brain seemed to be attempting to process all his recent memories, flashing through various monster movies as well as images of food he had eaten. Finally, Ed could vaguely remember an image of Double D pointing at a book and saying something important to him. Putting a finger on his chin, Ed concentrated on the image of Double D in his mind.

After a couple of minutes, he had managed to pick out the words "practice" and "scared" from the memory. Slowly, a dumb smile formed on Ed's face. He put his finger into his mouth, covered it in saliva, and then triumphantly stuck it up above his head.

"I know what you want me to do, Double D!" Ed shouted in his moment of realization.

And so, the biggest of the Eds proceeded to sit down and stare at the May Kanker imitation in front of him. From what he could remember, Double D said he was going to need practice for the plan he was forming to help them against the Kankers. And in Ed's case, Double D wanted him to start believing that perhaps May and the other Kankers weren't all that scary.

Ed felt his heart warm up at the mere notion that Double D was actually trusting him to accomplish something like this. Ed hated to think that he could ever let Double D down, especially went it meant the difference between happiness or continued torment for the Eds.

So Ed put his simple mind to work, and imagined that the dummy in his room really was May Kanker.

"Um, hello." Ed said with a little wave. He seemed to be smiling at first, but it quickly faded right before he thrust his long arms in front of him for protection.

"Spare Ed from your kisses of doom!" Ed pleaded to the inanimate object, only to receive no response from it. Squinting at the dummy, Ed poked it on the head and pouted in its face.

"You don't scare me, Kanker, for my brain is made of buttered toast! Do your worst!" Ed told the dummy in a serious voice as he pointed at his noggin. In Ed's small brain, he imagined May chuckling at him with her usual hog-like laugh. Unfortunately for Ed, his imagination got the better of him as the dummy accidentally tipped over and fell right on top of him.

Ed panicked in an instant, "Nooooo! Get off me, mutant female! I am too young to be assimilated!"

As Ed lay underneath the Kanker dummy, feeling just as scared as before, he slowly thought back to the things Double D had been telling him and Eddy. Of course, Ed had been very distracted with Double D's ants and his desk skull at the time. But his mind had somewhat heard what Double D was saying, despite having little room in the first place for such information.

Ed stared at the face of the dummy Kanker that had collapsed on him. It actually felt kind of soft. The dominoes for teeth for a nice touch. They were almost as big as May's real teeth, but not quite. Ed's monobrow raised at his sudden realization.

He began to laugh. His head slightly bouncing and his tongue rolling in his mouth, Ed laughed as if someone had told him a funny joke, or Eddy had done something amusing. He laughed like he was laughing at Rolf's shenanigans, the antics of chickens or the old B-movies that he loved so dearly. Most of all, Ed just continued to laugh, and the more he felt his voice box vibrate, the more his fear of May Kanker seemed to disappear.

The biggest of the Eds, now suddenly in a great mood, slowly pushed the Kanker dummy off him. Putting an arm around it, he made one of his usual dumb smiles.

"Hey! Have you seen attack of the Zombie Brain Munchers?"

**E-E-E**

Deep in the intestines of the trailer park, the Kanker Sisters found themselves as bored as ever, as well as being unable to bring themselves to go out and track down their "boyfriends".

Out of the three, Lee was the one who was the most annoyed by this. Lounging on one side of their couch, she kept mashing the channel button over and over again.

"Oh come on! I want to see some infomercials, not some stupid show about hedgehogs!" she complained as the channel surfing continued, but she still couldn't find her beloved infomercials.

Having passed through more than forty channels by now, Lee just pounded her thumb harder on the remote. Her face began to turn red, and she gritted her teeth so hard one could hear them grinding. Finally, Lee couldn't control herself anymore, and she roared like an angered jaguar before throwing the remote at their TV.

The sound of glass breaking and circuits frying as the screen shattered woke up a sleeping Marie almost instantly. Somehow, the blue-haired Kanker had dozed off on the floor of their trailer's living room. A pile of dirty laundry, probably May's, had served as Marie's make-shift pillow.

The events of the other night, where Marie had managed to temporarily trap Double D in the Old Abandoned House, were a bit hazy. She vaguely remembered mocking and teasing him as usual, before he managed to fulfill her request in order to escape her.

But from that point onward, her mind was shot. Her hair all messy and her body still feeling tired, Marie rolled over and stared at the ceiling of the trailer. Lee's big red hair and sour face soon blocked her view.

"Get your stupid face out of my face. I'm trying to relax here." Marie told her sister, but it wasn't even close enough to make Lee budge.

"You've been sleeping since we found you yesterday. And now it's already the afternoon. Mind telling me what's making you so lazy, Marie?" Lee asked with her arms crossed as she glared down at Marie. The blue-haired Kanker was in a terrible mood, and made it apparent by throwing a pair of purple underwear right in Lee's face.

"Mind your own business, Lee!" she exclaimed, turning away from Lee before burying her face deeper into the laundry serving as her pillow. It smelled beyond disgusting, but Marie was just too tired to even care.

Gritting her teeth, Lee threw the underwear hanging off her nose aside before reaching down and pulling Marie up by her hair, "Mom put me in charge, so you better start talking! There's no such thing as secrets around here!"

"Oh yeah? Says who?" Marie chimed before putting two fingers up her sister's nose and using brute strength to fling her across the living room. There was a loud crash as Lee broke a chair in two and landed on the carpeted floor. Her sister just laughed heartily at Lee's expense.

"You're gonna pay for that big time, Marie!" Lee snarled as she got up. She cracked her knuckles in an attempt to intimidate her sister, but it was to no avail.

"You and what arm-" Marie began to say, but she was cut off by Lee, who pounced on her like a tiger before the both of them barreled into the furniture behind them. The sound of animals stampeding could be heard as the entire trailer bounced around violently in response to the two Kanker Sisters duking it out inside. A huge hole was made in the screen door as Lee was almost thrown completely through it. Her head was the only thing to make it outside, and she was quick to squeeze herself back through and continue the fight.

While all this was going on, May had been busy upstairs in their room. Surprisingly, the most dull-witted of the Kanker Sisters had actually theorized that it would the quietest and safest place at this time of the day. She had actually been enjoying a good book until the noise of her sisters fighting downstairs caused the entire trailer to shake.

Slowly, May tiptoed down the stairs to get a glimpse at what her sisters were doing to cause so much noise.

"Say uncle, Marie!" Lee commanded as she continued to keep her sister in a painful-looking headlock. The blue-haired Kanker struggled madly, before finally biting down hard on Lee's arm like a wild animal. Lee yelped in pain as her hold on Marie weakened and she was able to break free.

Smiling evilly, Marie reached into a nearby shelve and pulled out one very large spray can. She began to shake it up, and to her delight, the very sight of it was actually putting fear into Lee's eyes.

"Don't even try touching my hair with that!" Lee said in her toughest voice. Unfortunately, the fact that she was backing away from an approaching Marie showed that Lee wasn't all that brave.

"Is somebody scared of a little hair dye? Come on...it'll only turn that hairball of yours purple. That's not so bad..." Marie cackled as she continued shaking up the can in her hand. Lee stopped when she could back up no more, and it had become obvious that she was cornered. Her hands clenched into fists, she didn't actually plan on letting Marie get any of that stuff on her precious hair.

May gasped from above, "You guys are in a lot of trouble now! You broke the TV!"

The two fighting Kanker Sisters both glared back at their sister as if she had something to insult them. Marie was going to put her attention back to the fighting, but she spotted something in May's hand that immediately interested her. Dropping the spray can, Marie's arm comically stretched out in order to grab the book from May, much to the blonde's displeasure.

"And where did you get this from?" Marie asked obnoxiously as her eyes scanned over the book she had stolen from May. Though Marie was now distracted, Lee decided to stop their fighting for the time being, mostly because she was relieved that the hair dye was no longer being used against her.

"Hey! I was reading that!" May protested, only to be answered by an angered Marie.

"Biology for the Astute...this is Double D's book! You stole this from MY boyfriend!" Marie exclaimed. May had come down the stairs now, and she snatched the book back before speaking in a very pretentious tone of speech.

"Excuse me for wanting to learn a little! I was just getting to the part about frogs before you took it..."

"The only thing you're gonna learn is what happens when you touch Double D's stuff! That's MY job, because he's MY boyfriend!" Marie practically screamed down to her sister as she put an angry fist right up to her face. Before another fight could start though, the eldest of the Kanker Sisters had a quick thought and intervened.

"Hold your horses, you two!" Lee told both of her sisters, pushing them apart so that they didn't try to kill each other. Taking the book from May's hands, Lee smiled as she put it in front of her so she could make a point to her sisters.

"You see this? This is our ticket to luring those Eds in. Your boyfriend is always desperate to get his stuff back, Marie. This is the perfect bait." Lee explained with a toothy smile. Truth be told, she was still annoyed at the fact that Ed and Eddy had actually escaped her and May the other day. Big Ed could surprise even the red-haired Kanker sometimes with the crazy things he managed to accomplish.

"Are you sure? What if it only brings Double D? It''ll be a bust if Big Ed doesn't show." May said as she plopped down on the couch. In one of her moments of stupidity, she attempted to turn on the TV via the remote, forgetting that she had pointed out it was broken only minutes before.

"Who cares if it's only Double D? As far as I know, I just want another one of his kisses again..." Marie began, her mind transporting her back to events of the other day. Her eyes turned to hearts and she twirled around while laughing softly, "He's soooo romantic..."

Lee raised an eyebrow at her sister's strange behavior. She grabbed Marie's ear and pulled hard to get her attention, "Hey! What's with all this romance talk? Is your brain starting to soak up some of that hair dye, Marie?"

Marie's daze ended the moment she realized her sister was calling her out on it. The hearts in her eyes popped and she shook her head like a shaggy dog trying to dry off. Giving Lee a nervous smile, Marie pretended not to know what she was talking about.

"Um...it's nothing. I was just pulling your leg! Like you said...let's lure those Eds in with Double D's book. I just want to get my hands on that little head of his and give him enough noogies to last him until next August! And a kiss or seven for good measure..."

Though Marie sounded genuine with her statement, Lee wasn't entirely convinced. Putting her suspicions aside for now, she put the book under her arm and announced to her sisters, "It's settled then, girls. Today we're going fishing."

May jumped for joy and grinned in excitement, "Really? What are we fishing for?"

"The great white Ed, Edd n' Eddy of course!"

In response to Lee's statement, Marie made a wicked grin. Now that they had something of Double D's, this was once again going to be the perfect opportunity to spend some more quality time with her "boyfriend".

But Double D's kiss had still been better than Marie had expected. And thinking about it was actually beginning to scare her. She never would have thought that the brainy but meek Double D would be capable of such romance...

Just thinking about the word made Marie want to vomit. But at the same time, it wasn't such a bad thought either. She wasn't planning on revealing any of these thoughts to anyone, however. Especially her sisters.

But now was not the time for thinking. Double D was missing his book, and it was their responsibility to return it to its rightful owner, after all.

And this time, he wasn't going to pull that lovey dovey stuff on her. This time, she was calling the shots, and she was going to make Double D wish he didn't leave her alone on that night...


	5. Chapter 5

**And the new chapter arrives, but this time, it's double the length of the last one too! And for good reason...cause there's quite a few big developments in this one. Hope I get a laugh or two from you readers, and enjoy!**

**E-E-E**

"...4,864, 4,865...4,866! Now that's what I call expansion! Soon it'll be time to increase the capacity of your living space." Double D observed as he surveyed his ant farm. He made a gap-toothed grin at the thought that his ants were still just as productive as ever. His mind calculating the number of insects again, Double D had a sudden thought in the middle of all the math. Scurrying over to his bookcase, he looked for his most informative book on ants and their biology.

But as Double D searched for the book, a strange feeling began to come over him. Something was wrong.

Worry washed over Double D like a tidal wave when he realized that there was a blank rectangle of air where the book "Biology For The Astute" was supposed to be. Double D could feel the inner workings of his mind buzz in alarm. He put a hand on his forehead, and sighed to himself in an attempt to calm down. Surely he couldn't have lost a book just like that. He probably just misplaced it.

But before Double D could search his room for the book, he could feel the push of a slight breeze. Turning around, Double D saw that the window into his room was strangely open. As he approached the window to close it, Double D yelped loudly as a runaway label hit him square in the eye. Slowly, he removed the small strip of paper, which was marked "viewport."

Double D scratched the back of his neck as he looked at the label. Just what could have ripped it loose from his window?

His eyes caught something as he attempted to close the window. Taking a closer look, Double D could see a series of labels that seemed a bit out of place in his room. As his eyes scanned over the content, Double D's stomach dropped. He bit his bottom lip, and his hands were shaking as he quickly read the labels again.

"Oh...why must I go through such mental anguish!" Double D asked in an overly dramatic voice. He gritted his teeth, pulling the sides of his hat down as if trying to relieve this massive amount of incoming stress. Double D never could stand the idea of anyone putting their disgusting, germ-filled hands on his things. He could only imagine all the cleaning and disinfecting he'd have to do to his book, if he ever did get it back.

The sound of his doorbell alerted Double D immediately, even though his mind was already preoccupied with this new predicament. Making his way down the stairs, label still in hand, Double D opened the door to see none other than a smiling Eddy. Not knowing what to say at first, Double D just sighed.

"Oh, hello Eddy. What brings you here?" Double D asked, leaving Eddy with a confused look.

"What do you mean, Sockhead? Didn't you want me here today? You know, for all that mind over matter business?" Eddy replied, and this managed to jump start Double D's brain again. He was reminded of the fact that he did indeed ask for Eddy to come to his house at this time in the afternoon. Once Eddy arrived, Double D had planned to inform his shorter friend of what his part in their unfolding plan against the Kanker Sisters would be.

Of course, the condition of Double D's book had caused him to momentarily forget these important details. Eddy noticed Double D's gloomy expression, and couldn't help but at least pretend to be concerned.

"Something busting that brain of yours, Double D?" Eddy asked as he took the liberty to walk inside Double D's house and make himself comfortable. The sock-headed Ed shut the door behind his shorter friend, before shoving the label right into Eddy's face.

"We have a serious problem on our hands, Eddy." Double D said as he allowed a somewhat stunned Eddy to read the label.

"To Double D...if you want your book back, be at the Junkyard at six'o'clock today. If you're found waiting there, your book will be returned to you safe and sound. But if don't show up, then expect to find the book sooner or later. Just don't count on it being in one piece. You've been warned..." Eddy read out loud.

Rubbing his chin, Eddy could only wonder who was the serial toucher this time. Dollar signs began to flash in his eyes, as this was sounding like another moneymaker waiting to happen. However, Eddy's emerging scam ideas were put on hold when he noticed that Double D's thumb seemed to be covering up a small part of the label.

"Hey, move your finger! There's still some more words!" Eddy exclaimed before attempting to pry the sock-headed Ed's thumb away himself. Double D was a bit too fast for him however, and managed to dodge his grasping hand.

"Don't worry about that, Eddy. It's just some illegible text." he told Eddy. That statement, of course, was a big fat lie.

Eddy wasn't entirely convinced, but he decided he'd just let it be. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he raised his eyebrows at Double D, "So I'm guessing we're going to have to get back your reading material?"

"Precisely, Eddy. I can't bear to think about what my beloved book has been put through..." Double D said in an exaggerated tone of voice, his face full of sorrow.

"What about all that anti-fear stuff you were supposed to show me?" Eddy asked, and in response, Double D suddenly smiled and surprisingly grabbed Eddy by the lower jaw before pulling down.

"You see this mouth of yours, Eddy? When the time comes against the Kankers, I want you to do what you do best with it. Use it!" Double D exclaimed, before letting go of his jaw and allowing it to comically roll back up into his face like a projector screen. An annoyed Eddy pushed his mouth from below to stop it from rolling, and then proceeded to yell in Double D's face.

"That's it? That's your plan? What kind of stinking help is that gonna be!"

Eager to stop Eddy's screaming, Double D shut the boy's lips with a thumb and index finger. He made a gap-toothed smile as he held a surprised Eddy's mouth shut, "If you'd just let me explain. I just want you to...how would you say...mock them?"

Letting go of his mouth, Double D allowed a now slightly calmer Eddy to speak on his own behalf, "Mock them? You want me to make fun of those Kankers? That's sound so simple."

Double D put both hands behind his back and spoke with clarity, "Simple it may sound, but you'd be surprised how much less you'd fear them if you made yourself able to see them in a more flawed light. And besides, I would say that's one of your strong points, Eddy."

Eddy couldn't help but make a big grin in response to Double D's compliment. He rubbed his knuckles against his shirt as if he was dusting them off in style, "Well, you got a point there, Sockhead. I could probably make enough Kanker jokes to last us for years. They don't stand a chance!"

"That's what I want to hear, Eddy! As long as we all look up, nothing can stand in our way!" Double D replied. Despite the bad feeling in his stomach stemming from the loss of his book, Double D was actually feeling a little good about all this. He was starting to think that they had a chance to get rid of the Kanker Sisters once and for all. The good old days of Ed, Edd n' Eddy were already rushing back to him...

"Knock knock!" The loud voice of Ed exclaimed from just outside of Double D's door. Ed's voice caught both Double D and Eddy's attention at about the same time, but it was Eddy who made the first smart alec comment.

"I wonder who's at your door, Double D..."

Double D covered his mouth and giggled, "I wouldn't know, Eddy..."

Suddenly, there was a loud bang, which managed to sweep both Eddy and Double D off their feet and onto the carpeted floor. A crash followed, and Ed's head poked through the gaping hole he had created by slamming headfirst into Double D's front door. Laughing heartily, Ed's neck stretched out like a turtle's as he greeted his two best friends, "Move it or lose it! It's Ed!"

Double D's face contorted with horror, "Ed...tell me you didn't! Do you realize that you've just put a hole in my door with your skull!"

"Nice one, Monobrow!" Eddy laughed. Of course, Double D was unable to relate to his sense of humor at a time like this.

Ed looked down at the hole he had made, and his face slowly became more innocent, "Uh-oh..."

Covering his eyes, Double D just put a hand on Ed's forehead as if trying to prevent him from causing any more damage, "Please, Ed...just get your head out of my door and open it properly. I think you've demoralized me enough for one day, thank you very much."

Making a stupid grin in response to Double D's request, Ed's head slipped back through the hole. A moment later, he opened the door and strolled right inside as if nothing had happened. And before Double D could say anything, Ed put him into a surprise bear hug while yapping like an excited little kid, "I did it, Double D! I conquered my scarededness!"

Though Eddy laughing at him only made Double D more uncomfortable than he already was, he nevertheless acknowledged his friend's accomplishment, "The correct word for your second sentence would be fear, but good job, Ed! We're one step closer to a Kanker-free life!"

"Let's hope so for your sake, Double D." Eddy added with another one of his sneaky grins.

"Now if you would let me go, Ed...that would be most appreciated. I believe we have something of mine to retrieve, gentleman." Double D said to the biggest of the Eds, who let go of him soon enough. However, the label Double D had shown Eddy before managed to catch Ed's interest, and he couldn't help but read it himself.

"...you've been warned, sweetie. Hahahahaha! Double D has someone all lovey dovey for him!" Ed blurted out, much to Double D's chagrin. He simultaneously put one hand over Ed's mouth and used another to grab the label, crumple it up, and toss it into his pocket.

"Let's not talk too much, shall we, Ed?" the sock-headed Ed said with a nervous grin. Eddy was not at all convinced.

"Hey! What are you hiding, Sockhead?" he questioned, but Double D was already prepared for him.

"Oh, it's nothing, Eddy. Did I mention that I discovered some spare change while cleaning today? Just enough for three jawbreakers, to be exact..." Double D began, but he knew he wouldn't have to say much more. The look in Eddy's eye was quite enough to tell him that the distraction had been successful.

"Jawbreakers! What are we waiting for then? Come along, Lumpy!" Eddy announced as he grabbed Ed by the monobrow and dragged him out the door. The two were already making their way across the lawn, with Double D following suit behind them after taking one more worried glance at the condition of his front door.

Double D gulped. He knew something Ed and Eddy didn't know.

He had figured out that the Kanker Sisters were the ones who had taken his book, and that going to the Junkyard to retrieve it was nothing more than a big trap. No sane kidnapper would steal someone's stuff and then just offer to give it back at a later time. Unless the kidnapper really just wanted bait to lure the person in.

Normally, Double D would have told his friends something like this. Normally, he would have thought about investing in a new copy of "Biology for the Astute".

But this was no normal situation. In fact, Double D had realized that this was in fact the perfect opportunity for all three of them. This was their chance to strike when the Kankers least expected it. It was their chance to show that they were no longer afraid of the Kanker Sisters and their girlish ways.

But would it be enough? Double D could only hope that Ed had the iota of intelligence to operate coherently and that Eddy wouldn't chicken out at the last minute. And those two things alone already made the whole plan an even riskier gamble.

**E-E-E**

"...this is good!" Eddy said through all his slurping. The shortest of the Eds was smiling wide by his comrades as he savored the awesome taste of a fresh jawbreaker. Saliva dribbled over his lips, and his cheek had blown out to cartoonish proportions as it somehow held the jawbreaker inside.

"...jawbreakers make me feel like the face-sucker from Return of the Moldy Brisket: Part 7!" Ed said through his teeth. Of course, there wasn't all that much his friends could say in response. And even if they could, Eddy was too preoccupied with the candy in his mouth, and Double D was too preoccupied with all the thoughts rushing to his head.

The Eds was been making their way to the Junkyard ever since they'd left the candy store, and time had passed a little faster than Double D had expected. Not knowing if they were necessarily late or early when they finally got there, Double D only hoped that the Kankers Sisters could wait for more than ten minutes before they might abandon their ambush.

"That's nice, Ed." Double said in attempt to acknowledge his big friend, "Now...where would I wait if I were Marie..." Double said, rubbing his chin. This almost immediately raised Eddy's concerns.

"Marie? You know something else about the Kankers, Double D?" he asked, and Double D's eyes widened before he just smiled back at Eddy.

"What? Oh...nothing about the Kankers, Eddy. I just confused them with something else." Double D replied. He felt like hitting himself for being so stupid and allowing a thought like that to slip out. It must have been the taste of the jawbreaker messing with his mental process.

"A book I see!" Ed announced as he pointed a big finger towards something nearby. Double D's eyes widened even more, and for a moment he forgot all about the trap as he hurried towards his copy of "Biology for the Astute." It was lying alone on the dirty ground, and from what Double D could see, it seemed intact.

Still sucking on his jawbreaker, Double D grinned as he held the book in his hand. Though he was enamored with the feeling of having it back in his possession, half of Double D's mind was screaming at him for being so sentimental at a time like this. The other half merely felt satisfied at the thought of him finally having his precious book returned.

"Double D's such a drama queen! It's just a dumb book..." Eddy said as he and Ed watched from afar. Ed made a big slurp as he sucked away more of the candy surface of his jawbreaker, before talking through his teeth again.

"Books are like pudding skin, Eddy. They both taste good to Ed!" Ed exclaimed, leaving Eddy to just bury his face into his hands and wonder what could have happened in Ed's early years to make him this way.

A few feet away, Double D couldn't help but open up his book and take a look at its contents for a moment. His brain continued to yell at him for his stupidity, but Double D just wouldn't listen to himself. At least, until he realized that something was very wrong with the writing on the first page.

Big words, which had been crudely scrawled in lipstick, were all but covering the tinier, more refined text explaining the first days of a young frog's life as a tadpole. Double D could feel his hands starting to shake as he read the words over and over again. He had figured something like this was going to happen, but Double D felt very unprepared for it. And with that unpreparedness came the horrible emotion of fear.

_You're so cute when you're shaking, Double D! Ready or not, here I come!_

The message written over the page was very clear, and Marie had oddly read Double D's mind exactly.

Double D didn't have much time to look up, before he saw the blue blur that was Marie Kanker leaping right at him like some vicious jungle predator.

"Be gentle!" he pleaded as Marie tackled him to the ground, and the impact caused his jawbreaker to fly out from his mouth and hit the dirt. Now pinned and forced to stare up at a grinning Marie, Double D was beginning to think that he may not have completely thought his plan through.

"Didja miss me, Double D?" Marie said as she leaned down uncomfortably close to his face. He gulped as sweat began to form on his brow. This was most unfavorable.

"Kankers! It's an ambush!" Eddy exclaimed, causing his jawbreaker to slide right out of his mouth. Reacting as if some sort of alarm had gone off, Ed quickly grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up into the air. A horrible crunching sound could be heard as Ed chomped down on his jawbreaker, and somehow managed to pulverize it with his teeth into a fine dust. His monobrow furrowing, Ed blew the dust out through his nose in a strange display.

Waiting for Ed to take him far away from the Junkyard, Eddy could only look at his friend and be completely flabbergasted by the serious expression now on the tall boy's face.

"Stand your ground, Eddy! We will not falter against these life-sucking aliens!" he said as he continued holding onto Eddy, who just struggled in the air and tried his best to break free of Ed's hold.

"Are you crazy, Monobrow? They've already got Double D! We're next on the menu!" Eddy replied, and his head spun around like a top as he tried to spot any sign of the rest of the Kanker menace. Unfortunately for him, he didn't have to look much longer.

"Check it out, May. Big Ed decided to make sure my little bigmouth didn't run away. That's awfully sweet of him." Lee Kanker said to May from behind Ed and Eddy. In response to her statement, Ed turned around to face the Kankers with Eddy still in hand.

"My big Ed is a real sweetheart! Won't you hold me like that too?" May asked Ed in an obviously lovey dovey tone. She fluttered her eyelashes in attempt to be a little more pretty, but Ed wasn't planning on letting her girlish tactics break through his solid defense anytime soon.

"Do your worst, Kanker scum!" Ed stated in defiance. Eddy could only look back at his friend in horror and wonder if his monobrow hair had completely replaced his brain. He struggled to break free from Ed's powerful grip, but there was just no use.

"Ed, you idiot! We're both goners now!" Eddy cried, but his yelling didn't help when it came to changing the decision in Ed's simple mind. Like Double D had told him, the time would come when they had to face the Kankers and not back down. Even Ed could tell that time was now.

"You want our worst? You hear that? They want our worst, May." Lee told her sister with a devious grin. May clapped her hands together and smiled wide, "Anything for my Big Ed!"

And with those words, Lee and May Kanker pounced on Ed and Eddy like two jaguars going in for the kill. Ed continued to remain stalwart, while just Eddy screamed like a baby as the two Kanker Sisters came down on the both of them.

Down on his end, Double D was holding back the urge to cry. For the last few minutes, Marie Kanker had been painfully pulling out strands of hair from the back of his head. Each hair being pulled out hurt a lot more than the last, and Double D could only hope that she didn't find the urge to commit the unforgivable and take his hat off.

Fear was gripping him like an anaconda. He felt powerless as Marie cackled in his ear.

"Come on, Double D! I'll stop if you just give me what I want..." Marie whispered in his ear as she momentarily stopped pulling out hairs. A frightened Double D could only whimper and suck his tears back up in an effort to quell some of his fear. He was pretty sure there was some law against this kind of cruel and unusual torture.

"And what is that, exactly..." he asked meekly.

Marie smiled before whispering slyly in Double D's ear again, "Just one of those kisses of yours. I starting to think we should make my little idea a tradition, don't you agree?"

Double D felt like his face had literally cracked. One thing was for sure, and that was that he did not agree with her one bit.

The sock-headed Ed shut his eyes and tried to retreat into his own thoughts. This wasn't supposed to be happening. His friends had trusted him. He had made a plan! And with that plan came action!

But the only problem was that his fear was stopping him from carrying out that action. He was becoming the weakest link. Double D knew they would all be doomed once again if he didn't end this horrible cycle now. He narrowed his eyes and mustered all his inner strength.

Marie waited for an answer with an evil smile. She got one soon enough, but it definitely wasn't one she had been expecting.

"My, that would be a nice tradition, wouldn't it? Might I suggest adding in some hand holding and perhaps an exchange of intimate words?" Double D suggested, much to Marie Kanker's surprise. Her smile faded, and she angrily grabbed Double D by his hat. He held onto its sides, wiggling around like a worm as Marie brought him to her eye level.

"I didn't ask for a suggestion. I told you to give me a kiss...right now!" Marie shouted in Double D's face. Sure enough, his little suggestion had set off her fuse. She was definitely not in the mood for this kind of thing. After all, she and her sisters hadn't gone through all the trouble to lure the Eds here for nothing.

"But don't you know, Marie? Romance requires patience. One must set the mood to prepare the mind for the magic of love." Double D began to say with a fake expression of attraction.

Even he could tell that he was going into reverse psychology territory again. At least, that's what it seemed like at first. Continuing with his act, Double D reached into his pocket, and he comically produced a table complete with a white blanket, flowers and a candle on top of it. Separating himself and a suddenly confused Marie, he also pulled out two white chairs. Setting Marie down on one, he quickly sat himself down on the other and gave her a gap-toothed grin.

This was reverse psychology territory indeed, but it would have to do for now, Double D thought.

For some reason, Ed just couldn't stop laughing. Even though May Kanker had him completely pinned down, and was threatening him with her lips, Ed still found it all incredibly amusing. His head bobbed up and down as May kept his arms pinned to the ground. Quickly, she gave him a quick kiss on his forehead to gauge his reaction. But as she pulled away, having successfully placed a kiss mark on Ed's forehead, she could see no change in his demeanor.

He still kept laughing, much to her dismay. The buck-toothed Kanker made a confused expression.

"Hahahaha! That tickled." Ed chuckled.

"Hey! What's so funny?" May asked in an annoyed voice, but Ed wouldn't answer her. He just kept laughing. Not one to give up that easily, May narrowed her eyes at him and went in for another kiss.

Nearby, Eddy could hear the wet squelching noises and only wondered how long Ed would be able to hold out. The shortest of the Eds had his own problems though; namely in the form of one red-headed Lee Kanker.

"That's it...keep acting all scared, shortstuff. It's always more fun that way." Lee said as she glared into Eddy's eyes while holding him close to her in a very tight hug. Their faces were so close that Eddy could see the plaque in her one big blue tooth, and he instinctively stretched his neck back in attempt to get as far away from Lee as possible. The red-haired Kanker just laughed at his attempt however, because she knew all too well that it was futile.

"Does little Eddy want me to let go?" Lee asked in a fake sympathetic voice. Eddy nodded, making a comical creaking noise as he did so.

"Well that's too bad! You haven't had enough Vitamin C in your diet, and my new lip balm tastes just like oranges! Let me give you a big wet taste..." Lee said, and Eddy watched in horror as she puckered her lips and threatened to engulf him in her moist embrace.

But as he waited for the inevitable, Eddy's one-track mind had an foreign thought. He could hear Double D's words coming back to him. A thought bubble appeared over his head, and it depicted an image of Double D from earlier in the day, and he was pulling Eddy's jaw down as if it was the bottom of a projector screen.

"**You see this mouth of yours, Eddy? When the time comes against the Kankers, I want you to do what you do best with it. Use it!**"

Eddy had finally realized just how much Double D's advice made sense. He could feel one of his snarky grins coming on. Now was his time to shine.

"Hey! Do I smell roadkill...or is that thing on your head just your hair?" Eddy asked, and his poor attempt at a joke actually manged to stop Lee's lips from claiming him. Though he couldn't see it under her bushy hair, Lee's eyebrows were raised as she processed what Eddy had just said to her.

It only took her a couple seconds to figure it out. Then her face started to heat up like molten lava.

"What did you just say about my hair, wiseguy!" Lee yelled in Eddy's face, and she had stopped hugging him in favor of roughly holding him up by his collar.

His heart beating fast in his chest, Eddy continued to grin as he used all his willpower to stop every pore of sweat from escaping his skin and blowing his cover. He shot another joke at her, this time feeling a little more comfortable with his words, "You heard me, Kanker! And have you heard of toothpaste, or is that just some axle grease I spot on those big teeth of yours?"

In response to his stupid joke, Lee squeezed Eddy as if he was a plush doll. The boy could feel himself slowly being crushed by her strength, and he was unable to move much as the Kanker applied more pressure, "Keep making fun of my teeth! Come on, Eddy! Let's hear another one!"

Eddy was well aware that this wasn't going to end well. But he trusted Double D; even if he was wary to admit it. If he could go on scamming without the Kankers being an interference, he'd gladly endure whatever Lee planned on doing to him.

"That's...funny..." Eddy said as Lee continued to crush him in her grip. She was squishing up his face now, and Eddy's mouth comically poked out from between her fingers so he could get out his last few words, "So are you a...cyclops...or something? Hiding...one eye...under all that hair..."

Steam erupted from both of Lee's ears, and she roared like a mighty beast. Eddy couldn't help but smile despite all the pain he was about to endure. It was one strange moment of bliss before lots and lots of hurting.

"That's not gonna work this time, sweetie! Why don't you just make things easier and pucker up already!" Marie exclaimed to Double D as she knocked over the table between the two of them. Becoming more and more impatient by the second, Marie grabbed Double D's lips between her two fingers and pulled them away from his face, aided by cartoon physics. The sock-headed Ed could only try so hard to hold back tears as Marie's lips hovered right near his.

"Are you sure? I would rather bask in the candlelight before I'm mentally prepared for such a thing..." Double D said through his lips, and as an added touch, he fluttered his eyelashes back at Marie. The blue-haired Kanker could only look back at him like he'd gone completely insane. Marie gritted her teeth, and squeezed Double D's mouth hard before throwing it back at him. The sock-headed Ed saw stars as he was took the blow and went down to the ground, only to hear an especially angered Marie screaming in his ear.

"I said...that's not gonna work this time! Quit messing around, Double D..." Marie growled. This was becoming stupid, and it was also becoming less and less fun. Marie didn't want to admit it to herself, but Double D wasn't doing what she wanted. He wasn't cowering. That made her very mad.

Even though he was quite a lot of pain, Double D could begin to taste success. Glancing at his friends, the sock-headed Ed could see that they were surprisingly doing exactly what he had told them to do.

"Lee...Big Ed's laughing at me!" May said in a worried voice as she backed away from Ed, her teeth chattering as she bit her fingernails and created jackhammer noises, "Is it my front teeth?"

"Ah, he's not worth it, Marie!" Lee replied as her fist retracted from Eddy's face. The shortest of the Eds was on the ground now, staring up at the sky as stars and colors flew past his eyes. He couldn't really feel his face, which had big red marks where Lee had squeezed hard.

"And I'm not liking what's coming out of this one's mouth. Mom was right; men are always going around and putting their girls down!" Lee remarked as she put an arm around her sister, who seemed to be on the verge of crying, mainly because Ed was sitting up now, and still laughing just as much as before.

"My teeth are not funny..." May said through sniffles, but Ed just kept laughing, much to Lee's displeasure. Having had more than enough, she proceeded to grab a huge pile of dirt from the ground and then stuff it in Ed's mouth, muffling his laughing for the moment. The biggest of the Eds was left choking on dirt and looking back at Eddy with what seemed like a smile of success.

"And that's for laughing at my sister! Where's Marie! I'm calling it quits!" Lee said, only to see that her sister was stomping back from where she had been previously harassing Double D. Every one of her steps had the power of a giant monster, and Marie's face showed nothing less than pure rage. Behind her, Double D was tied up in the fashion a pretzel, and it took every fiber in his being for him not to scream from the incredible pain.

"You know what, Lee? This is a bust! Double D's a waste of lipstick!" Marie said to her sister, with her arms crossed and a frustrated look on her face. The three Kankers seemed to be in agreement. All three of them were very, very angry at Ed, Edd n' Eddy, and their anger was washing over all their previous feelings of love like boiling water on ice. The more each Kanker stared at their respective Ed, the more she felt herself loathing him.

"All three of them are, girls. Let's get out of here. That little pipsqueak is giving me a headache." Lee stated as she glared at Eddy from afar. The shortest of the Eds, feeling quite triumphant, just grinned and stuck his big tongue out at her.

"You're just a meanie, Big Ed! My teeth aren't big at all!" May said defiantly to Ed, who was busy trying to pick the remaining dirt out of his teeth. He gave her a disgusting, dirt-filled grin, which only made May's mood worse.

"Thanks a lot, Double D! Hope you enjoy your reading material!" Marie exclaimed angrily before she started ripping the pages out of his copy of "Biology for the Astute". Still comically tied up as a pretzel, Double D hobbled over to his friends in a crab-like fashion, only to watch as the pages to his precious book rained down like feathers. He felt the thick binding hit him in the face, and he was seeing stars all over again.

Unable to express their emotions beyond inflicting pain on the Eds, all three Kanker Sisters made their exit, with Lee trying to somewhat console May and Marie stomping beside them with her hands clenched into angry fists. The blue-haired Kanker wasn't even close to satisfied with harassing her "boyfriend", but the way he had acted towards her was making her feel as if she didn't even want to waste the time. And judging by their reactions to the behavior of their respective Eds, her sisters felt the same way.

Before Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy knew it, the Kanker Sisters were out of sight.

It was almost as if some strange calm had come over the entire Junkyard. Eddy could feel a huge grin coming on, Ed removed one last chunk of dirt from his teeth, and Double D just looked up and tried to produce one weak smile.

"They fell for it! They actually fell for it! They are such suckers!" Eddy chimed, looking back at his friends with the huge grin still pasted on his face. He spotted Double D on the ground, still tied up like a pretzel. Ed was next to him, and he laughed as he poked one of Double D's "knots."

"Way cool! I want to be a donut too, Eddy!" Ed said in an enthusiastic voice. Double D just groaned, and Eddy laughed weakly even though his neck felt like it had been put in a car crusher.

"That's not a donut, Ed. It's one of those French things...what are they called again?" Eddy asked as he rubbed his chin, unaware that Double D was losing his patience. Unable to take the pain of being a human pretzel any longer, Double D's self-control went down the drain.

"Will you two just be quiet and help me already!" Double D shouted, surprising both his friends with the tone of his voice.

"Alright, alright. Don't lose your hat..." Eddy replied in a casual voice. Ed just laughed as he poked the sole of the shoe on Double D's left foot. At an awkward time like this, Double D could only sigh.

But in addition to the pain, the sock-headed Ed could feel something else. It was a small sensation at first, but it slowly began to build up. It flowed through his entire, pretzel-shaped being, and as his two friends haphazardly tried to untie him, Double D couldn't help but make a small gap-toothed grin. He could smell something in the air, and it definitely wasn't the smell of Ed's pits. In fact, it was far from it.

It was nothing less than the sweet smell of victory.


	6. Chapter 6

**New chapter her for y'all! Sorry for the wait. I had finals and coming home to deal with, so I didn't get to do as much writing as I wanted to. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. As always, read and review! :)**

**E-E-E  
**

Marie Kanker gnashed her teeth together. She really felt like punching someone right now.

In Marie's mind, she could clearly hear May laughing through her buck teeth. Being one to usually express her emotions through physical force, the blue-haired Kanker took the remote in her hand and threw it down like a basketball. It shattered in a violent display on the floor, with pieces of it shooting all around. Her reasoning for destroying the remote was all too familiar by now.

There was just nothing good on TV. Every channel she had flipped through was playing the same exact thing: reruns of the movie Fishbowl 2.

Whenever the Kanker Sisters gathered to watch television, they would always fight over the right to choose what would be watched. It was practically a tradition by now.

Lee always picked infomercials. May, at least in Marie's opinion, always wanted to watch something stupid.

For once, Marie had the TV all to herself. She liked that, of course. Now she could finally have some time to enjoy her favorite programming: which usually involved nature's creatures killing each other over food, territory or mates. As far as this blue-haired Kanker was concerned, that kind of television program was just an excuse to watch animals of all shapes and sizes rip each other's guts out. It was no surprise that Marie certainly enjoyed that kind of thing.

And it wasn't like she _really_ cared about the science of it all. She just liked watching one beast kill another beast in a bloody fight to the finish. At least, that's what she had convinced herself of believing. In the back of her mind, there was a small voice begging for scientific inquiry. She just never listened to it.

But alas, Marie could not just sit down and accept that her beloved show was not on. When she finally had the TV all to herself, this seemed to be the worst time for her show not to be on for whatever reason.

Marie slumped back on the couch and stared at the pieces of the broken remote. She counted on her fingers that this one had been the eleventh she had broken. And that was just during this week.

A knock on the front door broke Marie's train of thought. With a bored expression on her face, she weakly opened the front door. Her mind was already making conclusions about who was probably knocking...

"Whoever you are, we aren't interested in some dumb soaps..." she said, but her expression quickly changed when she realized who was actually standing in front of her.

It wasn't the cheesy salesperson she had been expecting. It was a shivering, sock-headed boy. Her shivering, sock-headed boy; the one and only Double D.

"Why...good day to you, Marie.." he began, his legs shaking as he wore a fake gap-toothed smile on his face, "I don't mean to bother you on such a fine occasion as this...but I'm in need of a small favor..."

Marie grinned while craning her neck out the door and getting right in Double D's face. The sock-headed Ed backed up a bit, and he could only gulp and stare at the orange-yellow color of Marie's teeth.

"You need a favor, boyfriend? What kind of favor are we talking about here..." Marie snickered, knowing fully well that Double D's situation would soon be under her "lovely" jurisdiction.

"Well you see...I'm in need of some sugar." he said. Unfortunately for him, that was all the blue-haired Kanker needed to know.

"Sugar? I'll give you plenty of that, boyfriend!" Marie shrieked with an evil smile, before both her arms wrapped around Double D's waist and she pulled him right through the doorway.

"Wait! I believe you misunderstand my language!" Double D protested as he felt Marie drag him in with the strength of a Pacific Giant Octopus. His struggling was useless against her usual tenacity.

Marie giggled as she threw Double D towards the floor. Slamming the trailer door behind her, the blue-haired Kanker was once again beginning to relish the power she had over her "boyfriend". Watching him leave his measuring cup on the ground and crawl away from her made it all the more fun. After all, she wasn't the gushy romantic type. Double D was her boyfriend. To Marie, that meant she could do whatever she wanted with him, whenever she wanted to.

It was at this point that Marie couldn't help but wonder why Double D would actually be stupid enough to fall right into her waiting hands. Maybe she had been giving him too much credit.

"What have you got now, Double D? More of your psycho mumbo jumbo? Are you going to call that big dumb Ed for help?" Marie taunted, and a frightened Double D could only back into the wall behind him and search for some sort of escape.

"Think this all over, Marie. Do we really have to compromise my mental health to satiate your desire for affection?" Double D replied, hoping logic would pierce Marie's one track mind.

"Shut it, Double D! That stuff's not gonna work anymore!" Marie yelled in his face as she grabbed him by both cheeks and pulled hard. The sock-headed Ed's eyes twisted and popped out as he tried to hold back crying. Marie just grinned, however, enjoying his pain and pulling just a little harder on his cheeks.

This was payback. This is exactly what she wanted. With only the smallest voice of conscience in her head telling her she might be going to far, Marie decided the fun would continue as she flipped Double D over and put him into an arm lock.

"This is quite uncomfortable, thank you." Double D said with his mouth pushed into the floor. He only got a bout of giggles from the Kanker sister holding him down.

"Good, cause it's only gonna get worse, muffin!" Marie said, before proceeding to pull hard on his arm. Double D yelped like a dog. Marie just giggled again. This was becoming very fun, very fast. Who knew Double D could be so weak?

Grinning wide, Marie pulled Double D up so they were now face to face. The weakest of the Eds was helpless in her powerful grip, and he could only look into her eyes and wonder what kind of insidious plot she was thinking. Squeezing him in her bear hug, Marie moved her face so close to his that there noses were practically touching. She could feel Double D's labored breath against her face.

"That's better." she said. Double D just gulped.

"Now...you wanted some sugar, didn't you?" Marie asked, but Double D did not answer her, as his mouth was preoccupied with being sucked back into his face. The sock-headed Ed shook his head back and forth, hoping that he could keep his lips safe from any unwanted kisses.

"Wait...so you want LOTS and LOTS of sugar?" Marie said evilly, causing Double D to just shake his head faster as if trying to shoot out the word no, "In that case...I've got plenty for you, Double D. Pucker up!"

Closing her eyes, Marie was glad to know she had another chance to give Double D her usual gifts.

But to her surprise, she didn't have time to actually make contact with Double D. Her grip was suddenly broken, and a stunned Marie was spun around by one arm and forced into an uncomfortable position.

Marie Kanker now found herself staring up at Double D, and what she couldn't really understand is why he was holding her the way he was. One hand was on her back, and the other was holding her outstretched hand, as if the two had been dancing together. She blinked a couple of times, and wondered if she was seeing right.

"You forget something, my dainty doughty darling. Romance requires patience." he whispered through a strange gap-toothed grin. Marie felt her face turn hot for a moment, until she began to realize just what was going on.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! I'm so not in the mood for this stupid trick!" she exclaimed, expecting that the struggling that followed would easily break her free from Double D's grip. To her surprise however, they both remained in their romantic pose.

"Trick? This is no trick, Marie. This is just the unexplained phenomenon those in the scientific community call love." Double D told her, and somehow, his strength beat hers again as he lifted her up. With no music apparent in the background, Double D began to dance with Marie against her will, and the same gap-toothed smile remained on his face. Marie pushed against him, thrashed around, tried to bite his arm off, and kicked him hard with both of her feet, but nothing seemed to interrupt the strange trance Double D was currently in. He continued dancing with her, and the look on his face was very unlike him. Hearts were in his eyes, and he spoke as if he was in a daze.

"Are you enjoying this dancing, my azure-haired turtle dove? I must admit that my movements might not be timed so perfectly." Double D asked, but Marie seemed less interested in answering him and more interested in escaping this torturous dance. Finally, Double D stopped, and lowered Marie so that she was looking up at his face again. Marie was obviously stunned.

Thoughts of a previous day were coming back to her again. Thoughts of when she wondered how Double D could have given her such a perfect kiss. The dreaded scourge, known to all the Kanker Sisters as love, began to invade the confines of Marie Kanker's mind. Double D stopped grinning, and Marie felt the grip of his hands tightening on hers. There was no escape.

"I believe I owe you a kiss. I do hope your saliva is free from any lethal pathogens."

Double D closed his eyes and puckered his lips. In a moment of clarity, Marie Kanker realized that the feeling in her heart, a mixture of fear and love, might indeed be the kind of thing Double D felt whenever she subjected him to her abuse. Then again, it was probably just all fear.

Marie gulped, and the world went black as Double D's lips touched hers. Strangely, Double D's kiss began to make Marie feel all warm and fuzzy...

**E-E-E**

The rustling of covers and the sound of a heavy mass falling flat on the floor set of an instant alarm in Lee Kanker's brain. Her hair a mess from having woken up minutes before, she charged out of the bathroom. With a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth and floss threaded through multiple teeth, Lee could see that the room she shared with her sisters now looked like a war zone.

May was on the floor, and she looked dazed and confused. Her buckteeth were actually cutting into the wooden floor of the Kanker Sisters' room, and the covers to the bed were strewn all over her. The table beside their bed had been knocked over, and the fan on top of it had somehow been dismantled in mid-air, as its blade was actually stuck in the wall like an axe.

And in the middle of all this sat Marie, who looked like she was having trouble breathing. There was a frustrated look on her face as she reached down and pulled one of the covers over her again.

Lee couldn't help but wonder what was up with her sister. As far as she was concerned, there were no secrets in the Kanker trailer.

"Something keeping you, Marie?" she asked through the foamy mix of toothpaste that was all over her teeth. As May began to slowly crawl back into bed, Marie seemed hesitant to answer Lee's question. Then her face turned incredibly sour, and she glared at Lee like she would glare at her disobedient boyfriend.

"Nothing's keeping me. And what...have you got rabies now? Or is that some stupid attempt to get the pipsqueak's attention?" Marie shot at her sister with a vicious sneer.

"Hey! I told you that we don't talk about those three no more! And what about my choppers? I'm just trying to keep my dental stuff intact! You shouldn't even be yapping, burger breath!" Lee retorted, and before May knew it, both of the sisters were now in each other's face.

"Who are you calling burger breath? You wanna start something here, Lee!" Marie yelled, but her commanding voice didn't hinder Lee very much.

"I'll start something alright! How's about a good ol' wet willy to put you in your place?" Lee threatened, and foam spat out between her teeth and onto Marie's cheeks. The blue-haired Kanker ignored this however, and roughly grabbed Lee by the collar.

"Oh yeah! You and what army!"

"Lee! Marie! Can you two stop your fighting already?" May finally said, successfully interrupting the two and stopping them from starting an onslaught that would worsen the already bad condition of their room.

Still holding onto Lee's collar, Marie just glared back at May before letting go of Lee. The red-haired Kanker Sister, not exactly in the mood to figure her sister out, decided it was best to just continue with taking care of her teeth. She made her way back into the bathroom, and Marie said nothing more as she pulled the covers over her and tried to go back to sleep. May looked back at Marie and then towards the bathroom. Something was definitely wrong here.

Despite what many thought, May wasn't all that stupid. Ever since the altercation they had with the Eds last week, May could easily tell that Marie and Lee had been acting differently.

Lee had become obsessed with keeping her teeth clean, to the point where she would constantly be waking up in the middle of the night to brush and floss. Marie, on the other hand, hadn't been talking much at all. Her usual energy was all but gone, and when she did say something, it usually led up to a fit of rage.

Needless to say, the Kanker Sisters weren't in the best of situations. May couldn't stop thinking about Ed; mainly because she still had the belief that he had been laughing at her teeth. Another thought surfaced in her mind.

Did she and her sisters deserve all this? They did actually care about Ed, Edd n' Eddy...didn't they?

The blonde Kanker gulped as she sank back into the comfortable mattress of the bed they shared. The light from the nearby bathroom was quite annoying, as was the sound of Lee scrubbing her teeth with the force of a belt sander. Not exactly ideal sleep conditions.

Next to her, Marie was busy tossing and turning. She had said nothing about it to her sisters, but the dream that woke her up minutes before was stopping her from falling asleep. Grabbing her hair and kicking through the covers, Marie wished that she could just be in peace. It had been like this since the day they had lost to the Eds. The nightmares of a romantic and lovey dovey Double D just wouldn't stop.

Stuffing her head underneath the pillow, Marie wondered where she and her sisters had gone wrong. It wasn't like Ed, Edd 'n Eddy had actually gotten that reverse psycho stuff to actually work this time, right?

And if it wasn't that, then what was it? As far as Marie knew, Double D had been such a moron that day. He didn't cower in fear or run away like he usually did. He stood his ground and fought fire with fire. Marie knew he was very smart, but he didn't actually read her mind and figure out her ultimate fear, did he?

Mushy gushy romance. That was definitely her biggest fear, and he had managed to use it against her. That's what had been plaguing her nightmares for the last week. It was a wonder she didn't cower before Double D that day.

As sleep came on and her mind slowly drifted out of touch with the world around her, Marie couldn't help but have one stray thought.

Did she and her sisters really care about the three Eds, or was messing with them just a way for the Kanker Sisters to let off steam?

There was no doubt that it was an important, yet frightening question...

**E-E-E**

"Way cool! I am finally evolving, guys!" Ed chimed in an overly excited voice. Having finally gotten the chance to look at himself again, the biggest of the Eds was astounded with his new appearance. Double D couldn't help but also marvel at the success of his own work, while Eddy just grinned at the thought of how many jawbreakers this scam would rake in for them.

"I must admit that I may have outdone myself this time. That's about as close to an authentic _Megatherium_ as we can get." Double D stated as he inspected Ed's new costume. The "fur" all over Ed's body was really just grass from Eddy's lawn that had been painted brown, while the large claws on Ed's hands and feet were nothing more than bananas dipped in silver paint. Still, it would all be convincing enough to the kids.

"You're a genius, you know that Sockhead? Now that we got Ed in the suit, Genuine Ed's Tar Pits of Peach Creek will soon have us eating jawbreakers for weeks!" Eddy said excitedly, and for once, Double D didn't find a reason to tell Eddy how this scam wasn't exactly foolproof.

There was always a huge error in all of Eddy's scams, of course. But this time was different. Double D felt like he owed Eddy the satisfaction of creating a scam that supposedly had no error.

"I saw this in a movie once! And then the creature's huge slimy tongue wrapped around the brave Space Outlaw's head, and the creature devoured it whole!" Ed announced as his tongue slid around Eddy's head and squeezed just a bit too hard. Lifting him up into the air, Ed laughed as he reenacted the scene from his movie. Eddy was not at all amused, and he struggled to free himself from the constricting grip of Ed's wet tongue.

"Quit fooling around, Monobrow! We don't got all day here!" Eddy practically screamed. Looking a bit disheartened, Ed let him go, and Eddy landed uncomfortably on the grass of his lawn. Rubbing his head, Eddy tried to ignore Ed's usual antics and proceeded to address both his friends.

"Alright, boys. Today's our lucky day. The golden opportunity has arrived. The kind where we can scam with no one coming in and screwing it up. And we're going to do it right, or I ain't gonna be a happy Eddy."

Ed laughed before patting his friend on the head with his painted banana hands, "Happy Eddy, happy Eddy, happy Eddy..."

Eddy just smacked Ed's hand away, "Will you stop already?"

Double D giggled as he scanned the contents of the clipboard in his hands. So far, all seemed to be going well. Eddy's plan to create "Genuine Ed's Tar Pits of Peach Creek" would be enacted in the next hour, and for once, they had no reason to fear Kanker interruptions.

It had been a full week since the day the Kanker Sisters had decided to finally leave Ed, Edd n Eddy alone. On the second night after the fateful first day, Double D could remember that he'd had trouble sleeping, probably because even he didn't fully believe that his plan had actually worked.

But more days went by, and the Eds still did not see any sign of the Kanker menace. Maybe they were lying in wait, ready to catch Ed, Edd n Eddy when they would least expect it. Or maybe they were sick of the Eds, and no longer had any reason to torment them.

Double D made a gap-toothed grin. The second idea seemed more plausible.

But as the sock-headed Ed watched his two friends, he couldn't help but feel as if something was out of place. This feeling had been cropping up here and there during the last week, and Double D was beginning to think that it was somehow attributed to the Kanker Sisters.

At first, Double D had laughed at himself for such a notion. But as the days flew by, he began to think that maybe such a notion wasn't all that far-fetched. It was almost as if Double D actually missed having the Kanker Sisters around or something...

But that's where the inconsistencies started again. Why would he EVER miss the torture and disrespect that Marie Kanker dished out? As far as Double D was concerned, it was a blessing that she and her sisters weren't bothering him and his friends anymore.

But something still felt out of place; like a piece of the cosmic puzzle had been taken out and thrown away.

Double D theorized this was require further study. Frankly, it was starting to become intriguing to him...


End file.
